“My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.”
Jay London (1966) American comedian
One-liners
One-liners
“My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.”
Jay London (1966) American comedian
One-liners
“My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.”
Henny Youngman (1906–1998) American comedian
"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)
“I always wanted to have the ball for myself; she was my girlfriend.”
Alfredo Di Stéfano (1926–2014) Argentine association football player
Attributed in The Wit and Wisdom of Alfredo Di Stéfano Kindle Location 194, this is actually a quote of José Manuel Moreno, as quoted in "Training, sweating and learning" by Marcela Mora y Araujo, in The Guardian (10 June 2008) http://www.theguardian.com/football/2008/jun/10/distefano. <br class="br">Misattributed
“My girlfriend always giggles during sex. No matter what she's reading.”
Emo Philips (1956) American comedian
E=MO² (1985), Track Two + Track Two continued
“My girlfriend always laughs during sex — no matter what she's reading.”
Steve Jobs (1955–2011) American entrepreneur and co-founder of Apple Inc.
This has appeared rather prominently on the internet, usually without indications of a source, and is often attributed to Jobs, but it was actually part of the comedy routines of Emo Philips, who used "giggles" rather than "laughs" on his comedy album Emo.
Misattributed
Justina Chen (1968) American writer
Source: North of Beautiful