“One of the problems, hanging out with me, is that I can turn any topic into a toxic horror story. I've lost two girlfriends and a job by reading an ingredients label out loud, with annotations, at the wrong time.”

“When my wife told me that she was anal, I thought, "Great." Turns out, there are two different kinds of "anal"… And she's the wrong one.”

“I've never lost a game I just ran out of time.”

“My education was the liberty I had to read indiscriminately and all the time, with my eyes hanging out.”

“We have a problem with any labels that people try to hang on us, because all it does is drag you down.”

“I've read the last page of the Bible, it's all going to turn out all right.”

“I've been sad, I've been lost
I've been down and out and lonely
I've been suffering at a job
In a world that tries to own me
But when I wake up every morning
There's an image of a better place
'Cause the harder that we grind
Then the sweeter is the glory”

“I've seriously got to stop turning my girlfriends gay, but like I can really help it. It's my animal appeal.”

“I poke around in the pile, about to settle on some cod chowder, when Peeta holds out a can to me. “Here.”
I take it, not knowing what to expect. The label reads LAMB STEW.”

“What's important is that a story changes every time you say it out loud. When you put it on paper, it can never change. But the more times you tell it, the more changes will occur. A story is a living thing; it moves and shifts”