“Where I come from they're just 'fun bags.”

“Have you ever heard the phrase, Living well is the best revenge?"
"Where I come from, someone's head in a bag is generally considered the best revenge”

“If you can't stop the bad thoughts from coming to visit, at least you can make fun of them while they're hanging around.”

“(On fun-sized chocolates) I don't know why they're called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off”

“Dude, got eyes? I'm collecting evidence." […]
"In Ziploc bags."
"I think they're Glad."
"They look impartial to me.”

“I stared at myself in the mirror. Okay, just ugh. I had to get some sleep tonight - the bags under my eyes had bags.”

“I'd come to respect the bag.”

“If you're a burglar, it's no good poncing about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don't advocate that obviously, it's just an analogy.”

“I just read them for fun."
"Dictionaries?"
"Yes."
"That doesn't sound like fun. That sounds awful."
"Awful used to mean 'full of awe.' The same meaning as awesome. I learned that from a dictionary."
He blinked.
"See?" She said. "Fun.”

“Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase."
I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk.
"They're for you."
"You want me to look homeless, desperate, but also kind of fabulous?”