“My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.”

“My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.”

“A friend bought two cakes for his wife's birthday, with a "3" on one and an "8" on the other.
Store clerk: Oh, do you have twins?
Bill's friend: Yup, my wife was in labor for five years.”

“I will not ask my wife to buy toilet paper.”

“The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife. You insult her intelligence if you assume that a mere slogan and a few vapid adjectives will persuade her to buy anything. She wants all the information you can give her.”

“People will buy anything at jumble sales,' I said. 'At the Evacuated Children Charity Fair a woman bought a tree branch that had fallen on the table.”

“Last Minute:
I have to buy all my presents at the last minute, she said, or I get too excited & just give them away.”

“I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel.”

“Roger: Umm…last two cds… Bouncing Souls Gold Album and I bought System of a Down Steal This Album…”

“It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.”