“I'd buy him a drink, but I don't know if I'd loan him any money.”

“Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded
wheelchair.”

“If she wanted my money, I'd give her every cent. If she wanted another man, I'd make her forget him”

“I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.”

“I don't have any children, but if I had a baby, I would have to name it so I'd buy a baby naming book. Or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.”

“I'd like a drink. I desire to forget life. Life is a hideous invention by somebody I don't know. It doesn't last, and it's good for nothing. You break your neck simply living.”

“I'd much rather have the consumer buy a Wii, some accessories, and a ton of games, vs. buying any of my competitor's products.”

“But I'd felt as if I'd pissed my life away in the same way that you can piss money away. I'd had a life, full of kids and wives and jobs and all the usual stuff, and I'd somehow managed to mislay it. No, you see, that's not right. I knew where my life was, just as you know where the money goes when you piss it away. I hadn't mislaid it at all. I'd spent it.”

“The truth is, you can never really know a man until you've loaned him money. And you can never know a woman until you've slept in her bed.”

“I took a bottle of pills. I'd been in Europe and I had a lot of absinthe and I was just drinking and drinking, trying to, you know, just shut my body down.”