“I have 3 offers. One from Torpedo, and 2 more they don't want to tell me about.”

“I was once offered a 3-way in Austin, and I turned it down because it was one of those deals where it was two dudes and…me. I don't even watch Two and a Half Men.”

“Women not girls rule my world
I said they rule my world
Act your age, mama (not your shoe size)
Not your shoe size
Maybe we could do the twirl
U don't have 2 watch Dynasty
2 have an attitude
U just leave it all up 2 me
My love will be your food
Yeah.U don't have 2 be rich
2 be my girl
U don't have 2 be cool
2 rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your
Kiss.”

“Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.”

“I was raised Catholic. I don't know if you can tell that from the everything about me.”

“People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?”

“What do you want from me?" he asks.
What I want from every person in my life, I want to tell him.
More.”

“Don't tell me what I'm doing; I don't want to know.”

“Things that Shane doesn't want on his grave:
(1.) I thought it wasn't loaded.
(2.) Hand me a match so I can check the gas tank.
(3.) Killed over Ice Cream”

“I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.”