“I have 3 offers. One from Torpedo, and 2 more they don't want to tell me about.”

“I was once offered a 3-way in Austin, and I turned it down because it was one of those deals where it was two dudes and…me. I don't even watch Two and a Half Men.”

Ron White (1956) American comedian

“Women not girls rule my world
I said they rule my world
Act your age, mama (not your shoe size)
Not your shoe size
Maybe we could do the twirl
U don't have 2 watch Dynasty
2 have an attitude
U just leave it all up 2 me
My love will be your food
Yeah.U don't have 2 be rich
2 be my girl
U don't have 2 be cool
2 rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your
Kiss.”

Prince (1958–2016) American pop, songwriter, musician and actor

“Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.”

Bill Hicks (1961–1994) American comedian

“I was raised Catholic. I don't know if you can tell that from the everything about me.”

John Mulaney (1982) American actor and comedian

“People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?”

George Carlin (1937–2008) American stand-up comedian

“What do you want from me?" he asks.
What I want from every person in my life, I want to tell him.
More.”

Melina Marchetta (1965) Australian teen writer

“Don't tell me what I'm doing; I don't want to know.”

Federico Fellini (1920–1993) Italian filmmaker

“Things that Shane doesn't want on his grave:
(1.) I thought it wasn't loaded.
(2.) Hand me a match so I can check the gas tank.
(3.) Killed over Ice Cream”

Rachel Caine (1962) American writer

“I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.”

Jay London (1966) American comedian