“It's a rum state of affairs when you feel like punching a jar of mayonnaise in the face.”
Guardian columns
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Charlie Brooker 58
journalist, broadcaster and writer from England 1971Related quotes
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"Ronda Rousey: What I've Learned", in Esquire.com (26 December 2012) http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/interviews/a17607/ronda-rousey-mma-quotes-0113/

“You have punched this person in the face.”
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006), Recognizing Your Nemesis

“Like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness, and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar.”
Variant: Like a jar you housed infinite tenderness
And the infinite tenderness shattered you like a jar.
Source: 100 Love Sonnets

“Mayonnaise, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.”
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Take things as they are. Punch when you have to punch. Kick when you have to kick.”