“Did I hurt you in the parking lot?"
"No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car."
Great.”

“My mother won't drive 50 miles an hour. You put her in a rental car, she's doing doughnuts in the grocery store parking lot!”

“The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.”

“As told in the final section of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour Christmas CD:
Jeff Foxworthy: Tell 'em the one you did.
Engvall: Aw, why'd you have to bring that up?
Foxworthy: Come on, share that one with the group.
Engvall: Alright. Well, nobody's immune from this, not even me.
Foxworthy: Not even Brainiac here.
Engvall: I'm in the car park at the mall, and there's this guy with a coat hanger inside his window… and I could not stop myself. I said, "You lock your keys in your car?"”

“Did you hotwire this car?" I then rephrased my question. "Did you STEAL this car?”

“Your hurt is so great that it shouldn’t hurt you.”
Tu dolor es tan grande que no debiera dolerte.

“I never forgot what you did to me you left me hurting but I am thankful to your act it was so far my best motivation.”

“My leg hurts," the soldier whined.

"Of course it does," Halt told him. "I put an arrow through it. Did you expect it not to hurt?”

“I got to eavesdrop at a window. As Clay said, I did have another option. I could wait in the car and let them fill me in later. So, eavesdropping it was.”

“It’s all different. He’s Australian, I’m German. He has car number six, I have car number five, so I think there’s lots of stuff for you to write again.”