I think if there is a God, I don’t know if it’s the one in the Bible, ’cause that’s a weird story, is He’s our father and we’re His children. That’s it. “Our father, who art in Heaven.” Where’s our mother? What happened to our mom? What did He do to our mom? Something happened. Somewhere in Heaven, there’s a porch with a dead lady under it, and I want the story. Somebody’s gotta check the trunk of God’s car for bleach and rope and fibers.
Well, how can we not have a mother?! At least, maybe, God’s divorced. Maybe he has an ex-wife. God’s a single dad and He’s raising us alone and we’re praying… and He’s like, “I’m trying! It’s just me up here!” Maybe that’s what’s going on. Maybe your life is your time… this is our weekend with Dad, that’s what life is… and then when you die, you go to mom’s house…
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Saturday Night Live (2014)
Louis C.K.: Enfant
Louis C.K. est acteur et humoriste américain. Explorez des citations intéressantes sur enfant.Oh My God (2013)
It's hard to start again after a marriage. It's hard to really, like, look at somebody and go, hey, maybe something nice will happen.... Or you'll meet the perfect person, who you love infinitely, and you even argue well, and you grow together, and you have children, and then you get old together, and then she's going to die. That's the best-case scenario.
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Louie (2010-)
Children would behave very differently. Because most parent would be murdering their own kids. [...] You'd be steping over dead kids, that would be like a new problem. « You have to clean up your kids when you kill them, because it's gross. It's bad for the environment. If you murder your child in a public place, please use one of the red bags that are in the dispensers every three feet in America. Put your murdered child in the red bag with the logo of a murdered kid on it, next to the other logo that tells you not to let your alive kid play with the plastic bag, because they might suffocate, in wich case, you can just leave him in the bag. »
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Oh My God (2013)
Of course, children who have nut allergies need to be protected. We need to segregate their food from nuts, have their medication available at all times ; anybody who manufactures or serves food needs to be aware of deadly nut allergies. Of course... But maybe, if touching a nut kills you, you’re supposed to die.
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Oh My God (2013)
When girls go wild, they show their tits to people. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.
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Chewed Up (2008)
You try to keep your kids safe and if you aren't doing it perfectly then why are you doing it at all? It's like this thing that starts to dawn on you. Like if my kids get in the car with me they have to buckle up. I'm not even starting this car until you buckle your seatbelts. And if we get in a taxi, it's fine. It's okay. Taxis are magic. Nobody dies. Just get in. Just go. I'm not diggin' in the seat for a belt. There's no way I'm blindly diggin' in to the Egyptian hepatitis and severed toes so you can put on your seatbelt. You gotta put on your own mask before helping the others. I'm not going through that. So, my kids get in a cab and they just hurdle through space at a speed determined by a profit motive of an exhausted man from another country where life is s**t cheap, where kids die all day and it's boring.
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Louie (2010-)
“Ce sont les enfants qui vous achèvent. J'en ai deux. C'est complètement débile. Faites pas ça.”
It's really the kids that do you in. We have two kids. That's fucking stupid. Don't do that.
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Shameless (2005)
Drugs are so fucking good that they'll ruin your life.
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Live at the Beacon Theater (2011)