“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
Variant: Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers:
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Famous Will Rogers Quotes
Will Rogers Quotes about people
“An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.”
As quoted in You Must Remember This (1975) by Walter Wagner, p. 175
As quoted in ...
“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.”
"Helping the Girls with their Income Taxes" <!-- p. 72 -->
The Illiterate Digest (1924)
Context: The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make one out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a Crook or a Martyr.
Will Rogers Funny quotes
“I am not a member of any organized party — I am a Democrat.”
Variants: I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat.
I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
Source: Will Rogers, Ambassador of Good Will, Prince of Wit and Wisdom (1935), Ch. 9 "Rogers was a lifelong Democrat but he studiously avoided partisanship. He contributed to the Democratic campaign funds, but at the same time he frequently appeared on benefit programs to raise money for the Republican treasury. Republican leaders sought his counsel in their campaigns as often as did the Democrats." ~ P. J. O'Brien
Daily Telegram #1172, Will Rogers Sees No Value In All The Time We Save (28 April 1930)
Daily telegrams
Will Rogers: Trending quotes
“We are the first nation in the history of the world to go to the poor house in an automobile.”
As quoted in How We Elect Our Presidents (1952), edited by Donald Day, p. 111
Variants: We'll hold the distinction of being the only Nation in the history of the world that ever went to the poor house in an automobile.
We hold the distinction of being the only nation in the history of the world that went to the poor-house in an automobile.
We hold the distinction of being the only nation that is goin' to the poorhouse in an automobile.
As quoted in ...
Will Rogers Quotes
“The chances are telling the truth is what got him there”
Nationally syndicated column number 31, A Few Shots of Scopolamin (15 July 1923), after meeting Robert E. House, who had proposed the use of scopolamine as a truth serum, in The Use of Scopolamine in Criminology (1922).
Weekly columns
Context: See they conducted experiments on convicts... I don't know on what grounds they reason a man in jail is a bigger liar than one out of jail... The chances are telling the truth is what got him there... It would be a big aid to humanity, but it will never be, for already the politicians are up in arms against it... It would wreck the very foundation on which our political government is run... If you ever injected truth into politics you'd have no politics … Even the ministers are denouncing it now … Humanity is not yet ready for either real truth or real harmony.
“Humanity is not yet ready for either real truth or real harmony.”
Nationally syndicated column number 31, A Few Shots of Scopolamin (15 July 1923), after meeting Robert E. House, who had proposed the use of scopolamine as a truth serum, in The Use of Scopolamine in Criminology (1922).
Weekly columns
Context: See they conducted experiments on convicts... I don't know on what grounds they reason a man in jail is a bigger liar than one out of jail... The chances are telling the truth is what got him there... It would be a big aid to humanity, but it will never be, for already the politicians are up in arms against it... It would wreck the very foundation on which our political government is run... If you ever injected truth into politics you'd have no politics … Even the ministers are denouncing it now … Humanity is not yet ready for either real truth or real harmony.
The Illiterate Digest (1924), p. 228
Daily Telegram #1019, Thoughts Of Will Rogers On The Late Slumps In Stocks (31 October 1929)
Daily telegrams
Context: Sure must be a great consolation to the poor people who lost their stock in the late crash to know that it has fallen in the hands of Mr. Rockefeller, who will take care of it and see it has a good home and never be allowed to wander around unprotected again. There is one rule that works in every calamity. Be it pestilence, war, or famine, the rich get richer and poor get poorer. The poor even help arrange it.
“See they conducted experiments on convicts”
Nationally syndicated column number 31, A Few Shots of Scopolamin (15 July 1923), after meeting Robert E. House, who had proposed the use of scopolamine as a truth serum, in The Use of Scopolamine in Criminology (1922).
Weekly columns
Context: See they conducted experiments on convicts... I don't know on what grounds they reason a man in jail is a bigger liar than one out of jail... The chances are telling the truth is what got him there... It would be a big aid to humanity, but it will never be, for already the politicians are up in arms against it... It would wreck the very foundation on which our political government is run... If you ever injected truth into politics you'd have no politics … Even the ministers are denouncing it now … Humanity is not yet ready for either real truth or real harmony.
Nationally syndicated column number 31, A Few Shots of Scopolamin (15 July 1923), after meeting Robert E. House, who had proposed the use of scopolamine as a truth serum, in The Use of Scopolamine in Criminology (1922).
Weekly columns
Context: See they conducted experiments on convicts... I don't know on what grounds they reason a man in jail is a bigger liar than one out of jail... The chances are telling the truth is what got him there... It would be a big aid to humanity, but it will never be, for already the politicians are up in arms against it... It would wreck the very foundation on which our political government is run... If you ever injected truth into politics you'd have no politics … Even the ministers are denouncing it now … Humanity is not yet ready for either real truth or real harmony.
“The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”
The Manly Wisdom of Will Rogers (2001)
Context: There are three kinds of men: The ones that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
“We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.”
"The World Tomorrow" After the Manner of Great Journalists
The Illiterate Digest (1924)
Source: The Autobiography of Will Rogers (1949), Ch. 16
"Politics Getting Ready to Jell" <!-- p. 265 -->
The Illiterate Digest (1924)
Source: Will Rogers, Ambassador of Good Will, Prince of Wit and Wisdom (1935), Ch. 9<!-- chapter 9, pp. 156–57-->
Context: So when all the yielding and objections is over, the other Senator said, "I object to the remarks of a professional joker being put into the Congressional Record." Taking a dig at me, see? They didn't want any outside fellow contributing. Well, he had me wrong. Compared to them I'm an amateur, and the thing about my jokes is that they don't hurt anybody. You can say they're not funny or they're terrible or they're good or whatever it is, but they don't do no harm. But with Congress — every time they make a joke it's a law. And every time they make a law it's a joke.
The Manly Wisdom of Will Rogers (2001)
Variant: There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
“Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.”
Nationally syndicated column number 42, Blames All Ills on Earthquake (1923). This became a remark Rogers often used in his public appearances.
Weekly columns
“I never met a man I didn’t like.”
Nationally syndicated column number 219, Rogers Gets Six Shiny Dimes From Oil King (1927). <ref name=columns2>
Weekly columns
Variant: I never met a man that I didn't like.
“Rumor travels Faster, but it don't stay put as long as Truth.”
"Politics Getting Ready to Jell" <!-- p. 265 -->
The Illiterate Digest (1924)
Context: Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain amount of Truth.... Now Rumor travels Faster, but it don't stay put as long as Truth.
“Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”
Variant: Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
“Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects.”
Nationally syndicated column number 90, From Nuts To The Soup (31 August 1924); published in The New York Times http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F50A12F83D551B7A93C3AA1783D85F408285F9
Weekly columns
Variant: Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
“When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.”
Variant: If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
“Diplomacy is the same as saying "nice doggie" until you have a chance to pick up a rock.”
Attributed to Francis Rodman, in volume 64 of The Reader's digest (1954)
Other variants also attributed to Wynn Catlin in Kiss Me Hardy : Quotations Ancient and (Very) Modern (1982) by Roger Kilroy; and to Winston Churchill by Dick Applegate in a speech reprinted in Volume 75 of "The Carpenter" (1955)
Misattributed
“We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”
As quoted in The Complete Speaker's Index to Selected Stories for Every Occasion (1967) by Jacob Morton Braude, p. 16
Variant: We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
As quoted in Peter's Quotations : Ideas for Our Time (1979) by Laurence J. Peter, p. 240
As quoted in ...
Variant: We all can't be heroes, for someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
“Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.”
As quoted in The Quotable Will Rogers (2006) by Joseph H. Carter
As quoted in ...
“Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.”
As quoted in The Wordsworth Dictionary of Quotations (1998) by Connie Robertson
As quoted in ...
“There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”
As quoted in Peter's Quotations : Ideas for Our Time (1979) by Laurence J. Peter, p. 524
As quoted in ...
“What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.”
As quoted in Creative Leadership : Mining the Gold in Your Workforce (1998) by A. S. Migs Damiani, p. 168
As quoted in ...
“Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.”
As quoted in Land in America : Its Value, Use, and Control (1981) by Peter M. Wolf, p. 6
Unsourced variant: Buy land, they aren't making any more of it.
As quoted in ...
“You can't say civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.”
The Autobiography of Will Rogers (1949)
Variant: You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
Daily Telegram number 2615, Mr. Rogers Finds the Wars At Home and Afar Alike (23 December 1934) in The New York Times, 24 December 1934 http://query.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=9F02E2DB173CEE32A25757C2A9649D946594D6CF
Daily telegrams
“The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.”
As quoted in The Image : A Guide to Pseudo-Events in America (1963) by Daniel Joseph Boorstein
As quoted in ...
