Famous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
Variant: My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
“What a childhood I had. My mother never breast-fed me. She said she liked me as a friend.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 19
“I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.”
Variant: I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Variant: What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about parents
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 10
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 6
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about time
Rodney Dangerfield: Trending quotes
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 9
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 16
Quoted in Bob Fenster, Laugh Off: The Comedy Showdown Between Real Life and the Pros (2005), p. 37
Variant: I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't met me yet.
Variant: One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
“I was so ugly… When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother!”
Actually originated with Henny Youngman.. <br class="br">Misattributed <br class="br">Variant: I was an ugly kid. When I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself. <br class="br">Source: Youngman H. 101 of My Funniest Jokes. New York: Henny Youngman, 1976. Brochure. Cited in: Essays of an Information Scientist, Vol:4, p.515-518, 1979-80, Current Comments #26, p. 516, June 30, 1980 PDF http://www.garfield.library.upenn.edu/essays/v4p515y1979-80.pdf
“I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 18
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 7
“I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 59
“I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.”
Variant: I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 8
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 21
“I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 12
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 15
“I was an ugly kid. I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I get.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 17
“I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 14
Early on, that was my setup for a lot of jokes.
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 126.
“My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 13
“There goes the neighborhood.”
Epitaph, quoted in Patricia Brooks, Laid to Rest in California (2006), p. 20
