Rodney Dangerfield: Trending quotes

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”

“I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie. ”

“Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke. ”

“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”

“What a childhood I had. My mother never breast-fed me. She said she liked me as a friend.”

“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.”

“When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.”

“I tell ya, I grew up in a tough neighborhood. The other night a guy pulled a knife on me. I could see it wasn't a real professional job. There was butter on it.”

“Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.”

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.”

“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet.”

“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

“I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs
I say, 'no.”

“I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.”

“A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.”

“Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.”