P. J. O'Rourke: Trending quotes (page 9)

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“Even newlyweds don't spend much time together, now that few marriages outlast the appliance warranties.”

P. J. O'Rourke

The Bachelor Home Companion (1986)

Marriage , Time

“The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Parliament of Whores

Source: Parliament of Whores (1991), p. 14

“The American political system is like a gigantic Mexican Christmas fiesta. Each political party is a huge piñata — a papier-mâché donkey, for example. The donkey is filled with full employment, low interest rates, affordable housing, comprehensive medical benefits, a balanced budget and other goodies. The American voter is blindfolded and given a stick. The voter then swings the stick wildly in every direction, trying to hit a political candidate on the head and knock some sense into the silly bastard.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Parliament of Whores

Parliament of Whores (1991)

Sense , Christmas , Housing

“Somalia is so bad that making a mess improves the place.”

P. J. O'Rourke

All the Trouble in the World (1994)

“There are two organizations pushing for change in November — al Qaeda and the Democratic party. And they both have the same message: 'We're going to fix you, America.' On the whole, the terrorists have a more straightforward plan for fixing things. They're going to blow themselves up. Although, come to think of it, Howard Dean did that.”

P. J. O'Rourke

"Putting Words in the President's Mouth" (12 October 2004)

Thinking , Change

“I wonder how many of the people who profess to believe in the leveling ideas of collectivism and egalitarianism really just believe that they themselves are good for nothing. I mean, how many leftists are animated by a quite reasonable self-loathing? In their hearts they know that they are not going to become scholars or inventors or industrialists or even ordinary good kind people. So they need a way to achieve that smugness for which the left is so justifiably famous. They need a way to achieve self-esteem without merit. Well, there is politics. In an egalitarian world everything will be controlled by politics, and politics requires no merit.”

P. J. O'Rourke

A Message to Redistributionists (1997)

People , World , Way , Idea

“There's only one secret to bachelor cooking — not caring how it tastes.”

P. J. O'Rourke

The Bachelor Home Companion (1986)

Secret , Cooking

“She's wrong about absolutely everything, but she's wrong within normal parameters.”

P. J. O'Rourke

Endorsing Hillary Clinton for President over Donald Trump, May 7, 2016 http://www.npr.org/2016/05/09/477339063/conservative-author-pj-orourke-reluctantly-backs-clinton on NPR

“Violence is interesting. This is a great obstacle to world peace and also to more thoughtful television programming.”

P. J. O'Rourke

All the Trouble in the World (1994)

World , Peace

“I am no stranger to loud noise. I've been to a Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels concert. I once dated a woman with two kids.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Holidays in Hell

Holidays in Hell (1989)

“No government proposal more complicated than "This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private" ever works.”

P. J. O'Rourke

Roast of Robert Novak at the Conservative Political Action Committee (11 February 1994)

“A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part of their liberty — their power and privilege — to State, Masses, Mankind, Planet Earth, or whatever. This state, those masses, that mankind, and the planet will then be run by … politicians”

P. J. O'Rourke

All the Trouble in the World (1994)

Parting

“Every generation finds the drug it needs.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Republican Party Reptile

Republican Party Reptile (1987)

“Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Holidays in Hell

Holidays in Hell (1989)

World , Parting

“Bureaucrats want bigger bureaus. Special interests are interested in whatever's special to them. These two groups bring great pressure to bear upon politicians who have another agenda yet: to cater to the temporary whims and fads of the public and the press.”

P. J. O'Rourke

All the Trouble in the World (1994)

“Saigon is like all the other great modern cities of the world. It's the mess left from people getting rich.”

P. J. O'Rourke

All the Trouble in the World (1994)

People , World

“Marijuana is […] self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?”

P. J. O'Rourke

Rolling Stone (November 1989), as cited in The Yale Book of Quotations https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0300107986, ed. Fred Shapiro, Yale University Press (2006), p. 567

World , Marijuana

“Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Holidays in Hell

Holidays in Hell (1989)

Way

“The typical old-fashioned diet was so bad it almost resembled modern dieting.”

P. J. O'Rourke

All the Trouble in the World (1994)

Fashion

“A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible.”

P. J. O'Rourke

Modern Manners (1983)

Dance