Nicole Hollander: Trending quotes (page 3)

“(Sylvia) Things you can do when you’re a grown-up:....3) Default on a home equity loan and lose everything.”

“(Man in suit to Indian woman) Oh guru, ancient mother of the world, we men have been crippled. We have never learned how to feel; we don't even know how to cry. Oh my wise guru, can you teach me to cry? (Guru) Sure. No problem. Tomorrow I'll start you at a dead-end job, pay you at women's wages and then I'll throw in sole support of a pre-school child.”

“(Television) Men are naturally more aggressive than women. (Sylvia) All the more reason to keep them locked up after dark.”

“(First Bad Girl) Conservatives say gay marriage undermines the institution of marriage....(Second Bad Girl) The minute women got driver's licenses, marriage was doomed.”

“(Sylvia) Rita, I want to have my cake and eat it too. (Rita) Sorry, Ma, it only works for Republicans.”

“(Doctor in bed) I dreamt I died and went to Heaven and they handed me some old Ms. magazines, a paper sheet, and made me sit in a little room with a bunch of other doctors.”

“(Television) Humor will never be the same. Sarcasm, irony, and cynicism will disappear. (Sylvia) Right. I'm having mine surgically removed. (Rita) Ma, cut it out!”

“(Sylvia at typewriter) The best place to discuss your sexual dissatisfaction with your partner is 1) in the bedroom 2) in a car, traveling at high speed 3) in a crowded elevator.”

“(First woman)…Men lose their sense of humor as they get older…their brains shrink…So men will be getting grumpier, just as we're getting…(Second woman) Shorter.”

“(Sylvia) A cat who’s just been told that he’ll have to eat that special canned cat food that comes from the veterinarian for the rest of his life. (Cat) Shoot me now.”

“(Sylvia) Yes, feminism was the apple Eve bit into.”

“(Sylvia) I'm planning to live fast, die young, and make a good looking corpse. (Bartender Harry) I think you're off schedule.”

“(Woman organizing picnic) Most normal people would agree that pizza is nature's perfect food, right?”

“(Sylvia) In the beginning Eve was alone in Eden. (Eve) Everything is so beautiful and amicable. (Serpent) I bet deep down, you wish you had an irritating companion.”

“(Sylvia) Rita! Get my smelling salts! (Rita) Ma, you used them up when you discovered that repeal of the estate tax benefits only the very, very rich.”

“(Sylvia) There’s not enough coffee in the whole world to turn me into a functional human being.”

“(Television) Angry women beat up shoe salesman who posed as gynecologist. (Sylvia) I hate guys who do that.”

“(Television) Our station is experiencing technical difficulties, so please try and amuse yourselves in whatever way you did before you became so emotionally dependent on us.”

“(Woman psychic) In June of 1987, men will begin talking about their feelings; women all over America will be sorry within minutes.”