Karl Pilkington: Trending quotes (page 5)

“Just sort of wander about and that, and just not get seen [What he would do with the power of invisibility]”

“Lamguage is a powerful thing init…er…”

“At what point is a wasp ever going to have a chat with a spider?”

“At no point am I going to lick a little frogs head.”

“I've met a few little people in my time. I met a little fella once and he was alright. He got drunk really quick, err, but he was alright. But it took me by surprise -like I've said about when I met Steve for the first time, it's only that same thing, then if we lived together I'm sure we'd get on a storm”

“I was at some night once, right. It was some night out and er, some people come running on stage. And some music started coming on. These four people came running out, it was two women, two blokes. It wasn't gay an' that. It was just a normal night -well, y'know, some party night out. These people come running on. You've got two women, you've got two blokes. They whip their knickers off. The fellas whip their undies off. All at the same time, like er, whatsit? Cheryl Baker was in it… Bucks Fizz. So that happened and all I'm saying is, right; before I had a look at the woman's bits, I just had a cheeky glance at the fellas' bits, just checkin' it out, checking everything's normal down there. Believe me, I had a look at the ladies' bits but I didn't know how long that pants were going to left off for.”

“Karl: You've never been to China.”

“Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.”

“It's not going to change the world. But neither did the egg-cup.”

“That's the problem with them fables, they're putting animals together that wouldn't meet. I don't know where a scorpion is knockin' around with a frog.”

“I was walking past a sex shop an' that. One, it was open early which I never understood, it was about eight o'clock in the morning. Who needs butt plugs then?”

“From someone whose dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you'd be grateful!”

“On seeing an ultrasound picture- It was an awkward situation because she was happy with it. I was like 'Oh God'. It was an odd looking thing. I couldn't say 'Oh, it looks like you' because that would be a dis.”

“(on cockroaches living without a head for a week) Why, when it was invented, has it got that facility?”

“This isn't Amazon where you can go "I'm not happy with the product" and pop it back in the post. Thats it, you've got it”

“Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good.”

“If there's one thing we haven't cracked yet in human civilsation, we've never been able to make a good wig. I wouldn't want a wig on me.”

“Fella comes walking toward me. Only got no pants on. So I said, ‘Suzanne, what's going on?”

“On the possibility of meeting Warwick Davis- The first time I see him, I'd be a little like, what should I say, what shouldn't I say? Whereas once you get to know him I'm sure he'd be a lovely little fella.”