Jeff Lindsay Quotes

“A man who discovers his pants are on fire tends to have very little time to worry about somebody else's box of matches”

“Because I am an inhuman monster, I tend to be logical,…”

“I'm quite sure more people fake an awful lot of everyday human contact. I just fake all of it." --Dexter”

“But what could I do? Be stupid for a while? I wasn't sure I knew how, even after so many years of careful observation.”

“Life's only obligation, afterall, was to be interesting.”

“Another dream. Another long-distance call on my phantom party line. No wonder i had steadfastly refused to have dreams for most of my life. So stupid; such pointless, obvious symbols. Totally uncontrollable anxiety soup, hateful, blatant nonsense.”

“Nothing in life is fair. Fair is a dirty word and I'll thank you not to use that language around me.”

“But as I have noticed on more than one occaision, life itself is unfair, and there is no complaint department, so we might as well accept things the way they happen, clean up the mess, and move on.”

“The key to a happy life is to have accomplishments to be proud of and purpose to look forward to, and at the moment I had both. How wonderful it was to be me.”

“I think people understand things different when they get older. It’s not a question of getting soft, or seeing things in the gray areas instead of black and white. I really believe I’m just understanding things different. Better.”

“Anybody can be charming if they don't mind faking it, saying all the stupid, obvious, nauseating things that a conscience keeps most people from saying. Happily, I don't have a conscience. I say them.”

“Why do so many people start their messages with, "It's me"? Of course it is you. We all know that. But who the hell ARE you?”

“You're driving me NORMAL!”

“I'm a very neat monster." ~Dexter Morgan”

“I often find myself in situations where it seems to me like everyone else has read the instruction book”

“Feeling - what authentic human fun!”

“Mutilated corpses with a chance of afternoon showers. I got dressed and went to work.”

“I stood up. It was all too much. I could not even meet my own expectations, and to be asked to deal with all theirs too was suffocating.”

“It’s like, everything really is two ways, the way we all pretend it is and the way it really is”

“And then more quiet, silence so deep it almost drowned out the roar of the night music that pounded away in my secret self.”

“The mind picks some very bad times to take a walk doesn't it?”

“I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?”

“For the first time I could remember, I felt weak, woozy and stupid— like a human-being. Like a very small and helpless human-being.”

“And here I always thought morality was useless”

“Me, feeling. What a concept.”

“Rectory always sounded to me like a place you would find a proctologist.”

“No big deal. We all have blood in us, the trick is keeping it inside.”

“you can’t use logic on human behavior.”

“I let it ring. I wanted to breathe for a few minutes, and I could think of nothing that couldn't wait. Besides, I had paid almost $50 for an answering machine. Let it earn its keep.”

“I had become a perfect fake human, saying the stupid and pointless things that humans say to each other all day long.”

“I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.”

“As I've said, freedom is really an illusion. Anytime we think we have a real choice, it just means we haven't seen the shotgun aimed at our navel.”

“Was insanity really easier to accept than unconsciousness?”

“… my conscience has the same hard reality as a unicorn.”

“I was filled with dread at the thought my mind had skipped town and left me behind to pay the rent." --Dexter”

“That's why I liked him, I think. Another guy pretending to be human, just like me.”

“Since I am not actually a real human being, my emotional responses are generally limited to what I have learned to fake.”

“It happens; incompetence is rewarded more often than not.”

“Of course, having information to use is one thing. Knowing what it means and how to use it is a different
story.”

“It was almost enough to make me feel emotion.”

“Detective, I don't know where the boyfriend is, really," I said. And it was true, considering tide, current, and the habits of marine scavengers. -Dexter”

“There is a simple, logical explanation,' I said to myself. And because you never know who else is listening, I added, 'And there is nothing under the bed.'" --Dexter”

“In its own way the kiss had been an act of murder.”

“And I was having too much fun to stop now.”

“Getting yelled at by a furious woman should be a semi-formal occasion.”

“… she opened the door very slowly and carefully, half hiding behind it, as if badly frightened of what might be waiting for her on the other side. And considering that it was me waiting, this showed rare common sense.”

“I had killed our careful relationship by driving my tongue through its heart and pushing it off a cliff.”

“Saturday morning was their unrestricted television time, and they usually took advantage of it to watch a series of cartoon shows that would certainly have been impossible before the discovery of LSD.”

“It was such an unexpected and genuine smile that if I only had a soul I'm sure I would have felt quite guilty.”

“It's terrible to have to depend on someone else.”

“I mean, really: what kind of person could possibly dislike me?”

“Money to me had always been merely something the sheep used to show each other how wonderful they were.”

“We can't always do what we think we have to do. So when there's nothing else you can do, you wait… No matter what… pressure… you might feel.”