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James Nicoll Quotes

James Davis Nicoll of Kitchener, Ontario, is a freelance game and speculative fiction reviewer, former role-playing game store owner, and also works as a first reader for the Science Fiction Book Club. As a

Usenet personality, Nicoll is known for writing a widely quoted epigram on the English language, as well as for his accounts of suffering a high number of accidents, which he has narrated over the years in Usenet groups like rec.arts.sf.written and rec.arts.sf.fandom. He is now a blogger on Dreamwidth and Facebook, and an occasional columnist on Tor.com. In 2014, he started his website, jamesdavisnicoll.com, dedicated to his book reviews of works old and new; and later added Young People Read Old SFF, where his panel of younger readers read pre-1980 science fiction and fantasy, and Nicoll and his collaborators report on the younger readers' reactions.



Wikipedia  

✵ 18. March 1961
James Nicoll: 69   quotes 0   likes

Famous James Nicoll Quotes

“[F]olks would better off dipping their heads in a bucket of liquid [nitrogen] and battering them against a tree very very hard than reading Baxter's Titan. It would not surprise me if reading that book causes birth defects.”

James Nicoll

“Niven made a name for himself as a hard SF author, which is to say, someone whose SF provides enough technical detail that the reader can be certain that various mechanisms and events couldn't work the way the author has them working.”

James Nicoll

review of All the Myriad Ways by Larry Niven http://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/remember-when-niven-was-fun, 2015
2010s

“Aha! The Alien Planet Canada series, where the planet the characters are marooned on seems to be Manitoba. Bad bad world building.”

James Nicoll

ibid.: About Genellan: Planetfall by Scott Gier:
2000s

“The sharp side of the knife goes away from you. Pure reason does not trump brute force but suprisingly few people know what hot peppers look like when the teacher asks if you have enough to share with everyone. Never take the lid of a pressure cooker 'to see if it's done yet'. Even if you are careful with the picric acid that won't matter if you are careless with other items next to it. Move *away* from mysterious burglar alarms. Do not append 'you moron' to exposition directed at people who have just broken into your building. 'We need to talk' is overwhelmingly unlikely to precede good news. A rough brick wall may be used to sort socks or as a backdrop for sock-art (The Neglected Art). A silent cat is Up to Something. Lungs are unsuited for many possible atmospheres, including that of London, and anything with a high content of industrial cleaners. Youth will not save you from Newton's Laws. Or Darwin's.”

James Nicoll

Facebook post (2014) https://www.facebook.com/james.nicoll.927/posts/10152710405547985
2010s

“I think once you start eating people you should stop claiming to be a vegetarian, even if you only eat bad people.”

James Nicoll

[bc663m$ira$1@panix1.panix.com, 2003]
2000s

“Someday I'd like to read a story about competent people on Mars.”

James Nicoll

[c3i93p$iu$1@panix3.panix.com, 2004]: About First Landing by Robert Zubrin:
2000s

James Nicoll Quotes about time

“I find this varies considerably from near-death experience to near-death experience. For example, having a wandering loonie break down the door of my game store to look for women was so funny the entire concussion and pools of blood thing was a minor footnote. Being sucked out into the Atlantic by an undertow was deeply irritating. Having a snowba[n]k collapse on me was alarming because of the claustrophobia issue. The car wreck was over almost before I had time to realise what was happening.”

James Nicoll

[b38svt$o0u$1@panix1.panix.com, 2003]
To which Ian York replied, in [b38tv9$5eh$1@reader1.panix.com, 2003]:
Don't get the wrong idea here, people. Even for James that was a busy day.
2000s

“Just as people in zombie apocalypses seem never to have seen a zombie apocalypse movie, so people in novels about the pioneering days of time travel never seem to have read novels on the subject.”

James Nicoll

Review of One Damned Thing After Another by Jodi Taylor https://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/tick, 2018
2010s

“All gone. Zelazny was one of the first times I looked at something I had had familiarity with to find the spot where the memory should have been empty, replaced by a scrawled "Moved South for the Fishing" sign. Calculus was another loss. It was quite upsetting to reach for a skill and find nothing.”

James Nicoll

[c2nsoc$aqk$1@panix3.panix.com, 2004]
2000s

“In point of fact, the meteor was something like 30 km when it exploded. It was over north Waterloo and I was north of St Agatha. Two spherical clouds, and two explosions. Unfortunately, I was dealing with a goat that was trying to eat an oil truck's fuel line, goats having this optimistic 'Well, maybe it has become edible since they last time I tried this' worldview, and I missed seeing the explosions.”

James Nicoll

[cbp39u$gbq$1@panix1.panix.com, 2004]
2000s

“It’s a sad thing that the march of time and evolution of mores can rob one of the ability to laugh at simple domestic abuse.”

James Nicoll

review of The Flying Sorcerers by David Gerrold and Larry Niven http://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/exhibit-a, 2016
2010s

“Never bring a gun to a fight where the other guy has a time-machine and tomorrow's newspapers.”

James Nicoll

[e2s3p4$ofd$1@reader1.panix.com, 2006]
2000s

James Nicoll Quotes about reading

“I have hated every Kress I read, especially this one, but the Bear is a standard Bear and if you like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing you'll like.”

James Nicoll

[at2mut$at9$1@panix1.panix.com, 2002]
Compare "People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like." (attributed to w:Abraham Lincoln).
2000s

“[H]umans hate to admit error even as they stand there, black and smoldering, with the stub of a cigarette in one hand, in the middle of a wide crater containing them and the remains of a sign that once read 'DANGER: VOLATILE EXPLOSIVES”

James Nicoll

[d8ceo5$gng$1@reader1.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

“If there's a stack [of novels to review], the unpromising stuff goes at the top and the promising stuff goes at the bottom. That way, I am eager to finish Overwrought Romantic Mary Sue Fantasy because I know that will let me read Niche Product That Only the Author, James and Some Guy at JPL Likes.”

James Nicoll

[dh3na8$a1u$1@reader1.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

“As I've often said, I'm a fan of hard SF. No, it's more like I am addicted to it, even the stepped-on 20 times and cut with pow[d]ered milk and rat-poison sort of hard SF. This gets us to Stephen Baxter's Mayflower II, published last year in a limited edition from PS Publishing. In one of the great tragedies of publishing, it was not a limited enough edition and so I have read it.”

James Nicoll

[cvneu0$29s$1@reader2.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

“There’s a rule I used to call The Niven Rule but which I just now have decided to call the Rusting Bridges rule. It came to me after reading Niven’s “All The Bridges Rusting.””

James Nicoll

In this story, humans have by the early 21st century explored the Solar System and sent not just one but two crewed ships to Alpha Centauri … despite which the characters moan endlessly about the dire state of the space program. “Eyes of Amber” would be another example of the Rusting Bridges [Rule]: No matter how much the space program you actually have has achieved, whether it’s first contact with aliens or trips to nearby stars, it can never have achieved as much as the space programs you can imagine would have achieved in its place, given that imaginary programs aren’t limited by issues of politics, funding, or engineering.
Review of “Eyes of Amber”, by Joan D. Vinge (as anthologized in New Women of Wonder, edited by Pamela Sargent http://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/yet-more-sf-about-women-by-women, 2015
2010s

James Nicoll: Trending quotes

“At some point when I wasn’t paying attention, comedic genocide just stopped working for me.”

James Nicoll

Review of T. Kingfisher's Nine Goblins http://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/basically-i-have-no-sense-of-humour, 2013
2010s
Context: At some point when I wasn’t paying attention, comedic genocide just stopped working for me. This is a shame because so much fantasy and SF depends on genocide as positive plot element. This trifling oddity of taste must have robbed me of hours of morally equivocal entertainment.

“No matter how much the space program you actually have has achieved, whether it’s first contact with aliens or trips to nearby stars, it can never have achieved as much as the space programs you can imagine would have achieved in its place, given that imaginary programs aren’t limited by issues of politics, funding, or engineering.”

James Nicoll

Review of “Eyes of Amber”, by Joan D. Vinge (as anthologized in New Women of Wonder, edited by Pamela Sargent http://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/yet-more-sf-about-women-by-women, 2015
2010s
Context: There’s a rule I used to call The Niven Rule but which I just now have decided to call the Rusting Bridges rule. It came to me after reading Niven’s “All The Bridges Rusting.” In this story, humans have by the early 21st century explored the Solar System and sent not just one but two crewed ships to Alpha Centauri … despite which the characters moan endlessly about the dire state of the space program. “Eyes of Amber” would be another example of the Rusting Bridges [Rule]: No matter how much the space program you actually have has achieved, whether it’s first contact with aliens or trips to nearby stars, it can never have achieved as much as the space programs you can imagine would have achieved in its place, given that imaginary programs aren’t limited by issues of politics, funding, or engineering.

Imagination , Star

“Never underestimate the persuasive power of somehow.”

James Nicoll

2010s
Context: Although no credible evidence exists that the speed of light can be exceeded, writers are willing to embrace the possibility that light might be outpaced somehow. Never underestimate the persuasive power of somehow.

James Nicoll Quotes

“A common issue with SF settings is that causally disconnected civilizations nevertheless are close enough in technological development that conflict is possible, rather than it being a matter of laser cannons against a thin film of single celled organisms.”

James Nicoll

[loquls$32v$1@reader1.panix.com, 2014]
2010s

“You may have trouble getting permission to aero or lithobrake asteroids on Earth.”

James Nicoll

[8k830g$f20$1@watserv3.uwaterloo.ca, 2000]
2000s

“Until recently baby production was largely dependent on slave labour; as soon as women are allowed to answer the question "Would you like to squeeze as many objects the size of a watermelon out of your body as it takes to kill you?" they generally answer "No, thank you." This leads to falling birthrates everywhere women are not kept enslaved and ignorant of the alternatives.”

James Nicoll

2000s

Women , Question , Baby , Dependency

“It would let me protect the Earth from asteroids. In fact, for a small fee I would protect the Earth on a monthly basis, locating rocks that could be steered into the Earth and then not doing it if the cheque didn't bounce.
We could finally commodify sunlight. A large solar collector at the Earth Sun L1 would block all the light that otherwise falls on the unworthy and could be sold to those that deserve it (Litmus test is the same as with Operation Nice Planet You Have, Shame If Anything Were To Happen To It).”

James Nicoll

Livejournal comment http://james-nicoll.livejournal.com/226271.html?thread=2139359#t2139359
2000s

Light , Sun

“I don't mind hidden depths but I insist that there be a surface.”

James Nicoll

Livejournal post http://james-nicoll.livejournal.com/176181.html (2005)
2000s

“After enough concussions the head injuries blur together.”

James Nicoll

aqrko2$8hi$1@panix1.panix.com, 2002
2000s

“Deadly nightshade is the only plant I have ever been able to get to grow for me.”

James Nicoll

[ddvioe$rao$1@reader2.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

“I can't help but notice that everytime I fly somewhere, other people's planes fall out of the sky.”

James Nicoll

[7vq0fu$mob$1@watserv3.uwaterloo.ca, 1999]
1990s

People , Help , Flying

“Romeo and Juliet *died*. I always liked that in a teen romance story.”

James Nicoll

[Dn5px1.6Fs@novice.uwaterloo.ca, 1996]
1990s

“Creating stars in laboratories on the very planets you inhabit turns out to be a bad idea.”

James Nicoll

Almost-Classics: SF Concepts and Settings That Deserve Better Execution https://www.tor.com/2018/01/29/almost-classics-sf-concepts-and-settings-that-deserve-better-execution/ on Tor.com, January 29, 2018
2010s

Star , Idea

“I didn't skip the smut. The author went to the trouble of writing it, after all. I did not feel to make notes for possible application later on but I also never wondered if the author was a virgin raised in an abandoned hentai warehouse, which is always a possibility for modern pornographers and erotica writers.”

James Nicoll

LiveJournal post (review of 'The Russians Came Knocking' by K.B. Spangler), 2014) http://james-nicoll.livejournal.com/5086498.html?thread=95347746#t95347746
2010s

Feeling

“Goodkind is noted for subtle allegories the same way Mt Kilimanjaro is known for floating weightlessly.”

James Nicoll

[d1kr2s$m90$1@reader1.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

Way

“Tor is the hard one. They employ a lot of editors, whose tastes vary. They don't always indicate who has edited what (on the choice of the editor, I think) so editor stalking can be more difficult with Tor. Ear-tagging works but is rather surprisingly illegal.”

James Nicoll

[ddd4ej$hiv$1@reader2.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

Thinking

“Let's step back and think about the likely outcome of a scenario that involves the words "James Nicoll", "a box of sharp needles" and "possibly without ever having achieved full consciousness" for a moment, shall we?”

James Nicoll

LiveJournal comment http://james-nicoll.livejournal.com/228255.html?thread=2188959#t2188959
2000s

Thinking , Box

“Call me an extremist but killing a few hundred million people seems like the sort of method that might have unintended consequences.”

James Nicoll

[d45qug$pc5$1@reader1.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

People

“Yes, I was suprised how easy it was to cut the door off my cat.”

James Nicoll

[cbav4b$qqa$1@panix2.panix.com, 2004]
2000s

Cats

“It's bad to wake up and see a large cat in mid-leap from the rough vicinity of the ceiling.”

James Nicoll

[b2jl1a$e39$1@panix2.panix.com, 2003]
2000s

Cats

“I also do not recommend shopping with Cordelia Naismith—but I would watch that reality show.”

James Nicoll

"Six Characters with Whom You Should Never Ever Go Camping" https://www.tor.com/2018/08/20/six-characters-with-whom-you-should-never-ever-go-camping/ on Tor.com, August 20, 2018
2010s

Reality

“I wonder if he's planning a book called SRS? Or F'lu?”

James Nicoll

ibid. : About Antrax by Terry Brooks:
2000s

Books

“It's true that the average human in the Xeelee universe can't eat Jell-O with a straw without accident[al]ly removing an eye but these particular humans start off no stupider than than any other human of their era and proceed to breed themselves into imbecility. Well, farther into imbecility.”

James Nicoll

[cvo12q$oii$1@reader2.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

Stupidity , Lying , Universe

“We discovered at one point that the brick wall of the pillar would hold up a sock pretty well. This led to sorting socks by putting them on the wall, which in turn led to mosaics built entirely of socks. Mission drift is a hazard in all pursuits, including doing the laundry.”

James Nicoll

[d6qu65$cm6$1@reader1.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

“Gun-wielding recluse gunned down by local police" isn't the epitaph I want. I am hoping for "Witnesses reported the sound up to two hundred kilometers away" or "Last body part finally located.”

James Nicoll

[dj13l1$hqa$1@reader2.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

Hope , Parting

“Engineers and certified pilots may be expensive but talented young men with a teenager's grasp of risk are surprisingly affordable.”

James Nicoll

[lsllrn$2m3$1@reader1.panix.com, 2014-08-15]
Reviewing Robert Heinlein's Rocket Ship Galileo
2010s

Men

“This is the sort of book that justifies fatwahs. If WWIII occurred right now, we could die happy knowing Baxter would never write again. If a dinosaur killing asteroid was headed for Earth and I knew Baxter had another book coming up, I would campaign for letting the rock hit, since it is obviously the work of a benevolent deity trying to save us from another Titan.”

James Nicoll

[914171029.329464@watserv4.uwaterloo.ca, 1998]
1990s

Books , Happiness

“I wonder if every near-future SF series in which the US is not a brutal theocratic police state ruled by doctrinaire bigoted oligarchs and their boot-licking enablers became obsolete on November 9? Won’t it be fun to find out together?”

James Nicoll

review of Brute Force, by K. B. Spangler http://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/my-brain-ibm, 2016
2010s

Future

“A lot of my stories end with "And when I regained consciousness, there was a crowd standing around looking at me."”

James Nicoll

[846uk2$kk$1@watserv3.uwaterloo.ca, 1999]
1990s

“Ben Bova seems to work very hard at working in new discoveries into his Glum Future but alas, his future is glum and not that well written.”

James Nicoll

[dfsgau$rel$1@reader1.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

Future

“Thoughtful consideration has led me to decide that romance, involving as it does the highly complex interaction of human neurochemisty{sic} with cultural and technological factors, is hard SF. Very hard SF because romance is especially difficult to mentally simulate accurately, not easy-peasy like rocket science. Romance as hard SF may seem counterintuitive, but it’s the counterintuitive results of modeling that are often the most interesting outcomes.”

James Nicoll

review of Don't Fear the Reaper, by Zen Cho http://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/dont-fear-the-reaper, 2016
2010s

Science

“Most of my scars are not fire-related and I no longer say "I know what I am doing" at critical moments.”

James Nicoll

[dgpfn2$h61$1@reader1.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

“[The cat] and I have an agreement: I leave her alone and don't make sudden moves when I wake up to find her perched on my chest, staring with an unblinking hostile gaze at my face and in return she rarely mutilates me.”

James Nicoll

[dl571e$11k$1@reader2.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

Hostility , Cats

“[Elizabeth Moon's] antagonists are always evil moustache-twirlers. She could write a book about a golf open and the main rival to the hero would turn out to have clubs made from compressed kittens.”

James Nicoll

[efprv2$bpa$1@reader1.panix.com, 2006]
2000s

Books , Evil

“(James) White seems from all reports to have been a very pleasant fellow but he did have one huge blind spot, which is that he was as sexist as a giant ball of sexists wrapped in a dense layer of yet more sexists.”

James Nicoll

(review of 'The Lights Outside the Windows' by James White (collected in "Deadly Litter") https://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/the-universe-is-antagonist-enough, 2014
2010s

“The number of times I have been declared dead is statistically insignificant, although admittedly non-zero.”

James Nicoll

[d5oimc$32d$1@reader1.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

Time , Dead

“It takes a courageous Mormon to turn to archaeology to support their argument”

James Nicoll

LiveJournal post title http://james-nicoll.livejournal.com/622558.html (2006)
2010s

Courage , Support

“Alas, time and head injuries are stealing all my memories.”

James Nicoll

Review of Women of Wonder, anthology edited by Pamela Sargent https://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/by-women-about-women, 2015
2010s

Memory , Time

“Manitoba… Not sure what to do about them. Restock the province with megafauna and encourage tourism, I think. How quickly can we breed back the saber-toothed cats?”

James Nicoll

[deq4re$ki7$1@reader2.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

Cats , Thinking

“Look, I tried the cat experiment. On the third trial, the cat was dead. On each of the subsequent 413 trials, it remained dead. Am I doing something wrong?”

James Nicoll

[1992Mar11.195332.28642@watdragon.waterloo.edu, 1992]
1990s

Cats , Dead

“Atomic war is bad but you know what’s even worse? Having had enough atomic wars that you can rank them in terms of horribleness.”

James Nicoll

Review of Voodoo Planet: Solar Queen, book 3 by Andre Norton http://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/oh-andre-norton-no, 2015
2010s

War

“The one job that machines cannot do is be a cruel plutocrat. That’s why humans are still needed.”

James Nicoll

Review of Luna: New Moon by Ian McDonald http://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/i-dont-care-what-happens-to-these-characters, 2015
2010s

“I believe that I have now experienced the lifetime maximum exposure to bottom spanking in fantasy novels.”

James Nicoll

[diu2g2$dc1$1@reader2.panix.com, 2005]
2000s

“This I (still) believe:
Fire is not necessarily your friend. Neither are dogs. Things with lit fuses should not be held onto. Beware the savage croquet ball. If it is -30 out, put on a coat before you leave the house. Just because the snow keeps you from seeing other objects the objects do not cease to exist. Clotheslines are the enemy of the bicyclist. If you don't remember how you got on the ground or where the blood came from, don't get up right away. Gym teachers think it's funny to commit assault with a baseball so don't day-dream during PE even if they have you so far in the outfield there are DEW line posts on either side of you. All guns are loaded. So are many bows. Trebuchets are for outside use only…”

James Nicoll

Facebook post (2014) https://www.facebook.com/james.nicoll.927/posts/10152710405547985
2010s

Dogs , Dreams , Thinking , Teachers

“The thing about the Star Wars expanded universe that most impresses me is how the need for endless sequels has taken what was way back in the late Disco a fairly upbeat series where the good guys eventually prevailed and turned into a crapsack setting that's grimmer than the disintegration of Yugoslavia, Congo Wars I & II and the Mongol Conquests combined.”

James Nicoll

Bujold list message http://lists.herald.co.uk/pipermail/lois-bujold/2011-February/070018.html (2011)
2010s

War , Way , Guy , Star

“My father once discovered that one cannot "walk off" gangrene.”

James Nicoll

[dvhsne$d0k$1@reader2.panix.com, 2006]
2000s

“Before it exploded one night, I went to a four grade, two room schoolhouse and we had textbooks from the 1940s.”

James Nicoll

[9690va$mjc$1@panix3.panix.com, 2001]
2000s

Night

“John Barnes is incredibly variable. Pete's Rule (Never buy a Barnes with sodomy in it) is a good one but unfortunately the publisher does not put that kind of stuff on the cover.”

James Nicoll

[a393v8$pen$1@panix1.panix.com, 2002]
2000s

“My grandfather for example only died twice, once during the war and once in the 1980s.”

James Nicoll

[bqia5r$49o$1@panix1.panix.com, 2003]
2000s

War

“Pournelle, who if I recall correctly is a veteran of the Korean conflict, does mention logistical details more often than I expect in MilSF. Not the fun kind of logistics, involving the production of a million zillion Squamoid Hypermissiles, but the mundane sort, like who gets to dig the latrines. Latrines are not romantic, but nobody wants a battle called off because the men all have dysentery and are too busy shitting blood to fight.”

James Nicoll

review of The Mercenary by Jerry Pournelle http://jamesdavisnicoll.com/review/the-hunter-and-the-bear, 2016
2010s

Business , Fight , Men

“Although no credible evidence exists that the speed of light can be exceeded, writers are willing to embrace the possibility that light might be outpaced somehow.”

James Nicoll

Never underestimate the persuasive power of somehow.
2010s

Light , Speed

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