Groucho Marx: Trending quotes

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Groucho Marx: 234 quotes99 likes

“I must admit, I was born at an early age.”

Groucho Marx

“Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world?
Woman: Really?
Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.”

Groucho Marx

“Before I speak, I have something important to say.”

Groucho Marx

“Here's to our wives and girlfriends… may they never meet!”

Groucho Marx

citation needed
Variation on an old Royal Navy wardroom toast: "Wives and Sweethearts! May they never meet!"[citation needed]

“I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed.

Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.”

Groucho Marx

“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.”

Groucho Marx

“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”

Groucho Marx

“Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?"

Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.”

Groucho Marx

“We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.”

Groucho Marx

“I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.”

Groucho Marx book The Groucho Letters

Source: The Groucho Letters

“Hello, I must be going.”

Groucho Marx

“The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.”

Groucho Marx

“If I hold you any closer I'll be in back of you!”

Groucho Marx

“Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.”

Groucho Marx

Post-Prime Ministerial