Emo Philips: Well

Emo Philips is American comedian. Explore interesting quotes on well.

Emo Philips: 66 quotes9 likes

“I got into a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."”

GQ Magazine - 75 Funniest Jokes of All Time (June 1999)

“You know, at parties, people always ask, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi!”

E=MO² (1985)

“I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: "Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?" And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.”

E=MO² (1985)

“A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon…"”

The Guardian - The best God joke ever - and it's mine! (September 1980)

“Well, my brother says "hello"! So, hooray for speech therapy.”

E=MO² (1985), A Fine How Ya Do