Emo Philips: Quotes about love

Emo Philips is American comedian. Explore interesting quotes on love.

Emo Philips: 66 quotes9 likes

“I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.”

E=MO² (1985), Track Two + Track Two continued

“Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the Devil. Other than that, though, it's been a good day.”

Opening line
E=MO² (1985), A Fine How Ya Do

“I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was… conscious. … But I love her from the hair on her head to the tag on her toes.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRp_r-EHmfs

“Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.”

Voted 44th funniest joke of all time in "The 75 Funniest Jokes of All Time" in GQ magazine (June 1999)
E=MO² (1985), Die, heretic!