Ambrose Bierce Quotes (204 quotes) | Quotes of famous people

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A Bivouac of the Dead

Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce: 204 quotes 14 likes

Famous Ambrose Bierce Quotes

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

Ambrose Bierce

“The covers of this book are too far apart.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Quotation, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Prejudice, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: What I Saw At Shiloh (1881), V

“Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about personality

“ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Context: Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

“TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Context: Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous

“Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about thinking

“Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Think twice before you speak to a friend in need”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 363

“Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Context: Cartesian, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, Cogito ergo sum -- whereby he was pleased to suppose he demonstrated the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved, however, thus: Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

“Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce: Trending quotes

“Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.”

Ambrose Bierce

Men

“Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Women , Men , Children , Fools

“Hidden in hollows and behind clumps of rank brambles were large tents, dimly lighted with candles, but looking comfortable. The kind of comfort they supplied was indicated by pairs of men entering and reappearing, bearing litters; by low moans from within and by long rows of dead with covered faces outside. These tents were constantly receiving the wounded, yet were never full; they were continually ejecting the dead, yet were never empty. It was as if the helpless had been carried in and murdered, that they might not hamper those whose business it was to fall to-morrow.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: What I Saw At Shiloh (1881), V

Men , Business , Light , Dead

Ambrose Bierce Quotes

“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Love , Marriage , Disease , Food

“Peyton Fahrquhar was dead; his body, with a broken neck, swung gently from side to side beneath the timbers of the Owl Creek bridge.”

Ambrose Bierce

An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge (1891)

Dead

“Non-combatant, n. A dead Quaker.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Dead

“Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Fashion , Decision , Dead

“One thing, however, I hope I may without offense affirm of these swamp-dwellers--they were pious. To what deity their veneration was given--whether, like the Egyptians, they worshiped the crocodile, or, like other Americans, adored themselves, I do not presume to guess.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: What I Saw At Shiloh (1881), VI
Context: I suppose the country lying between Corinth and Pittsburg Landing could boast a few inhabitants other than alligators. What manner of people they were it is impossible to say, inasmuch as the fighting dispersed, or possibly exterminated them; perhaps in merely classing them as non-saurian I shall describe them with sufficient particularity and at the same time avert from myself the natural suspicion attaching to a writer who points out to persons who do not know him the peculiarities of persons whom he does not know. One thing, however, I hope I may without offense affirm of these swamp-dwellers--they were pious. To what deity their veneration was given--whether, like the Egyptians, they worshiped the crocodile, or, like other Americans, adored themselves, I do not presume to guess. But whoever, or whatever, may have been the divinity whose ends they shaped, unto Him, or It, they had builded a temple. This humble edifice, centrally situated in the heart of a solitude, and conveniently accessible to the supersylvan crow, had been christened Shiloh Chapel, whence the name of the battle.

Hope

“n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Mother's Day , For Mother , Feeling

“Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Patience , Despair

“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 369
Source: The Collected Writings Of Ambrose Bierce

“Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Selfishness

“Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Law , Universe

“Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

World , Water

“Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.”

Ambrose Bierce

People

“Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Books , Faith , Religion , Falseness

“Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Education , Understanding

“Apologize, v. To lay the foundation for a future offense.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Future

“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Context: Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think... In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Intelligence

“A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Feeling

“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”

Ambrose Bierce

World , Dogs

“Positive, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day.”

Ambrose Bierce

Epigrams

Time

“You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian,… but it probably helps.”

Ambrose Bierce

Stupidity , Help

“FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Fear , Religion , Hope , Nature

“Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Context: Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ so long as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

Books

“Conservative, n. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Evil

“MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Secret , Nature

“Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Devil's Dictionary and Other Works

“Vote, v. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Fools , Country

“Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

School , Football

“Lawyer – One skilled in the circumvention of the law.”

Ambrose Bierce

Law

“Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Mayonnaise, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Religion

“History – An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.”

Ambrose Bierce

Fools , History , Falseness

“The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Happiness

“BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Beauty

“Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Religion

“Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Context: Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

“Impiety, n. Your irreverence toward my deity.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Devil's Dictionary

“Amnesty, n. The state’s magnaminity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

School

“War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.”

Ambrose Bierce

"War Is God's Way of Teaching Us Geography" https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/05/19/geography/ at Quote Investigator
"The comment 'War is God's way of teaching Americans geography,' is continually attributed to Ambrose Bierce. Biographer David E. Schultz, who has nearly all of Bierce's writing entered on his computer, cannot find this acerbic remark within that database." Ralph Keyes, The Quote Verifier (2007), p. 240
Misattributed

God , War , Way , Funny

“Self-evident, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Devil's Dictionary