“When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.”

“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”

“It’s hard to drink when you dance. And it’s hard to dance when you drink.”

“You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.”

“I finally stopped drinking when I hit seventeen years old. Yes, imagine the fuckup I must have been. Stopped drinking because it isn't really good for your health.…and I fell into a bonfire! Yeah, you're done drinking then. You don't need AA. Falling into a bonfire is a one-step program.”

“Lovers … when you raise yourselves and press
your mouths together—drink upon drink:
strange how each of you drinks your way past the other.”

“Take a drink because you pity yourself, and then the drink pities you and has a drink, and then two good drinks get together and that calls for drinks all around.”

“You have to eat before you drink! If you remember nothing else I've said tonight, remember to eat before you drink!”

“That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.”

“You bought the girls drinks and you stared at their perfect bodies and you pretended that they liked you. And they pretended that they liked you, too. When you stopped spending money, they got up and pretended that they liked someone else.”