“I went to a funeral the other day. Caught the wreath.”

“I mean some doctor told me I had six months to live and I went to their funeral.”

“Two days after my dad's funeral, my mom went on a mission. I never understood it until then--that sometimes a spy doesn't need a cover so much as she needs a shield.”

“Nice day for a funeral.”

“Sound, jocund strains; on pipe and viol sound,
Young voices sing;
Wreathe every door with snow-white voices round,
For lo! 't is Spring!
Winter has passed with its sad funeral train,
And Love revives again.”

“Painting the sensual with thy hues divine,—
Thou turn'st away thy face, while scattering
Perchance upon his brow some fading flowers,
Of which he strives to twine a funeral crown,
Spending his life to weave a wreath of death!”

“A buddy of mine was mad at his son the other day 'cause he got caught having sex with his teacher. I thought, "Hey, that's pretty cool!"”

“A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.”

“I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds. 14 people showed up, it was overcast.”

“On the day of his mother’s funeral, to the boy I loved more than I had ever loved
anything or anyone, I said, “Go to hell.”