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Simon Munnery Quotes

Simon Munnery, also known as his characters "Alan Parker: Urban Warrior" and "The League Against Tedium", is an English comedian.

He performs mainly to an alternative audience but has pierced the mainstream both with his BBC Radio 1 show in 1997 and his BBC2 television series Attention Scum! in 2001. His stand-up is often satirical and political and almost always surreal.

Munnery's experimental style is reflected in his makeshift, often elaborate props. As "The League" he often wore a hat crafted from a kettle, epaulets that contained working model tanks, and shoes covered in roses. In Buckethead he played a character who performed the entire show with a metal bucket over his head. Wikipedia  

✵ 1967
Simon Munnery photo
Simon Munnery: 17 quotes2 likes

Famous Simon Munnery Quotes

“Whatever it says in the bible the truth remains. You can read the bible and dismiss it as nonsense if you like; you can dismiss it as nonsense without reading it to save time if you prefer.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), How To Live (2005)

“Why do men die before their wives? Could it be because they want to?”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), Episode One

“Look at the sea and remember the past. Look at the sky and imagine the future. Look at the land and think of the present. And in the most profound place where land, sea and sky are one - there ye shall play volleyball.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), How To Live (2005)

“"The pen is mightier than the sword," you say. Get out your pens and prepare to have your logic tested by steel.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), Episode One

“You may think I'm cruel to the monkey, but you only see the tip of the iceberg, for the monkey is cruel to me. It hits me when I sleep. It sleeps when I hit it. Imagine how impotent that makes me feel.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), Episode Two

“Sex. If you want it badly that's how you're going to get it.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), How To Live (2005)

Simon Munnery Quotes about the world

“There are two types of people in this world: those who live in the cities - or 'citizens' as I call them - and those who live in the countryside… who shall remain nameless.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), Episode Two

“In this world there are winners and losers. And, of course, 'the others', who comprise the majority.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), Episode One

“I was walking down the road the other day, and I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the world is. And I thought to myself "Why would anyone in their right mind bother to take drugs?". Then I remembered I was on drugs, and that was the reason.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), How To Live (2005)

Simon Munnery Quotes

“If you only ever read one book in your life… I highly recommend you keep your mouth shut.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), How To Live (2005)

“Although no man is an island, you can make quite an effective raft out of six.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), Episode One

“It is the vanity of women to spend hours in front of the mirror. It is the vanity of men not to bother.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), How To Live (2005)

“You know, it was only after my father showed me what I would inherit that I struggled to keep him alive.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), Episode One

“Like most true Scots I despise the haggis, the kilt and the caber. Unlike most true Scots, I am not Scottish.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), Episode One

“It is said that behind every great man lies a great woman. This is because women lie.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), Episode Two

“I went to a funeral the other day. Caught the wreath.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), The Wreath (2018)

“Clowns divorce. Custardy battle.”

Simon Munnery

Attention Scum! (2001), ... and nothing but (2015)

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