“I went to a record store and asked for 50 Cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.”
One-liners
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Jay London 50
American comedian 1966Related quotes

“I make 50 cents for showing up … and the other 50 cents is based on my performance.”
On his famous $1 annual salary, at the annual Apple shareholder meeting in 2007, as quoted in "Jobs: 'I make fifty cents just for showing up'" in AppleInsider (10 May 2007) http://www.appleinsider.com/articles/07/05/10/jobs_i_make_fifty_cents_just_for_showing_up.html
2000s

“I went to a general store, but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.”

“I used to work in a record store. I'm kind of a record nerd.”
TV.com

“Let me leap out of the frying-pan into the fire; or, out of God's blessing into the warm sun.”
Source: Don Quixote de la Mancha (1605–1615), Part I, Book III, Ch. 4.

"I Get a Kick Out of You"
Anything Goes (1934)
Source: The Complete Lyrics of Cole Porter