“It's like the panda, they say that's dying out. But what do they do? When you see them they're just sitting in the jungle eating”

“Sometimes, mothers say and do things that seem like they don't want their kids… but when you look more closely, you realize that they're doing those kids a favor. They're just trying to give them a better life.”

“What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?”

“Law of the jungle. The betrayee gets to eat the betrayer. (Dante)
Law of my jungle. Kill them all and let Hades sort them out. (Zarek)”

“What you’ve got to do is be honest. Say what you believe. Give it to them straight. Just don’t wuss out.”

“If you don't have a date
Celebrate
Go out and sit on the lawn
And do nothing
'Cause it's just what you must do
Nobody does it anymore.”

“When Sharon Stone asks you to do something, you just just do it. If Sharon Stone asked me to eat her poo, I'd be like "yeah, what's a good time for you?".(Pretending to eat poo) "This is really good poo Sharon, thanks".(To the audience) Stop picturing it……….. and come back!”

“Do you hate people?”

“I don't hate them… I just feel better when they're not around.”

“Just as dyed hair makes older men less attractive, it is what you do to hide your weaknesses that makes them repugnant.”

“You can curse the dead or pray for them, but don't expect them to do a thing for you. They're far too interested in watching us, to see what in heaven's name we will do next.”