“I believe he would make three bites of a cherry.”

“My baby is alright,
She doesn't mind a bit of dirt,
She says 'Horror vampire bat bite, sex vampire, how I wish those bats would bite',
Woooooah! Bite! Bite! Release the bats!”

“A guy told me he liked cherries… But… I waited to see if he was gonna say tomato… Before I realized he likes cherries just… All right, that joke is ridiculous. That's like a carbon copy of the previous joke but with different ingredients. I don't know what I was trying to pull off there.”

“The playful nip denotes the bite, but it does not denote what would be denoted by the bite.”

“[The Pope] will make the king believe that three are only one, that the bread he eats is not bread…and a thousand other things of the same kind.”

“I wanna bite the hand that feeds me.
I wanna bite that hand so badly.
I want to make them wish they'd never seen me.”

“Three films a day, three books a week and records of great music would be enough to make me happy to the day I die.”

“If I were asked for a one-sentence sound
bite on religion, I would say I was against it.”

“And she would say, "Today you believe in God?" And he would say, "Today I believe in love".”

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.”