“I woke up early this morning”

“I was so happy every morning when I woke up that I was pissing smiley faces.”

“Woke up this morning with a terrific urge to lie in bed all day and read.”

“I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time; it's detachable.”

“I was going to kill someone today. I just wasn’t sure who when I woke up this morning. I do love mornings. So full of possibilities.”

“If I woke up tomorrow morning and it was just a dream, it would be the best dream I've ever had, and I would be ― I would not be happy to be waking up!”

“I woke up one morning, [my girlfriend] asked me if I slept good. I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."”

“Diesel is back," Ranger said.
Yes. How did you know?"
I woke up with a migraine this morning." Ranger said.”

“Up in this air you breathed easily, drawing in a vital assurance and lightness of heart. In the highlands you woke up in the morning and thought: Here I am, where I ought to be.”

“Misers get up early in the morning; and burglars, I am informed, get up the night before.”