“What has become clear is that Britain cannot trust the Conservatives to run the economy. Everyone knows that I'm all in favour of apprenticeships, but let me tell you this is no time for a novice.”

“I'm telling you stories. Trust me.”

“And now tell me, why is it that you use me words ""good people"" all the time? Do you call everyone that, or what?
- Everyone, - the prisoner replied. - There are no evil people in the world.”

“What we eventually run up against are the forces of humourlessness, and let me assure you that the humourless as a bunch don't just not know what's funny, they don't know what's serious. They have no common sense, either, and shouldn't be trusted with anything.”

“If none of us believe in war
Then can you tell me what the weapon's for?
Listen to me everyone
If the button is pushed there'll be nowhere to run”

“I thought I was a Conservative. I thought I was a Conservative, but all the time I was in favour of… I was in favour of shortcuts to Utopia. I was in favour of the government doing things, because I was so impatient for good things to be done.”

“Olaf: Of course I'm trying to trick you! That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everyone runs around with their secrets and their schemes, trying to outwit everyone else. Ishmael outwitted me, and put me in this cage. But I know how to outwit him and all his islander friends. If you let me out, I can be king of Olaf-Land, and you three can be my new henchfolk.”

“Everyone thinks I'm crazy, you know, because I can't tell them the truth; which is, that I'm driven crazy by all these thoughts, all these heads.”

“If I'm not telling you something, it's for a reason. Just because you trust me, it doesn't mean I have to automatically trust you. Trust doesn't work like that.”

“Let me tell you, it’s easier to change yourself than everyone else.”