“If this person slept with your girlfriend, she would never be attractive to you again.”

“My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.”

“She was the kind of girlfriend God gives you young, so you'll know loss the rest of your life.”

“On second thought she hoped she never met a woman that attractive.. If she did, she would be morally obligated to run her over with her car.." Bride”

“I was always attracted to the way rock stars dressed and the way their girlfriends dressed.”

“I woke up one morning, [my girlfriend] asked me if I slept good. I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."”

“Aren't you going to introduce your little girlfriend to your mother?”

“She's here with her girlfriend. She's half a man.”

“Mirabelle is attractive; it's just that she is never the first or second girl chosen.”

“[To girlfriend about the "What would you do if" challenge] "What would you do if" I came out of your mother's bedroom, covered in blood, going "We gotta get outta here!"”