“People still, old people, insist on picking up the phone and saying their home number, why are you doing that? What a complete waste of time. [imitating old person] "020767944!" [exasperated person on other end] "I know that, I've just dialled it! It's the last thing I did on earth was dial those numbers. Do you open the front door and say your address? It's the same principle."”

Live at the Apollo (November 26, 2007)

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Michael McIntyre15

British comedian 1976

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“Numbers aren’t the important thing … what matters is deciding in your heart to accept another person completely. When you do that, it is always the first time and the last.”

Haruki Murakami book Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman

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Source: Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman

“I think that people imagine protocol and etiquette as some kind of great dragon that hovers behind the pageantries of the palace to pounce on you and eat you up if you aren't behaving as you should. But in fact etiquette is saying how to do when you meet people, saying good night to your parents before going to bed, opening a door to a woman, getting up if an older person wants to sit down on the bus and it's all full, that is etiquette, or protocol, if you wish. At the everyday level, all the time, all of us. It's a way of knowing what you've got to do so that you have your mind free to do other things and think of other things.”

Margrethe II of Denmark (1940) Queen of Denmark

Television documentary 'Queen Margrethe of Denmark', BBC & Jørgen Bonfils, 31:30, 28 April 1974.
Protocol

“Do not be concerned with the faults of other persons. Do not see others' faults with a hateful mind. There is an old saying that if you stop seeing others' faults, then naturally seniors and venerated and juniors are revered. Do not imitate others' faults; just cultivate virtue. Buddha prohibited unwholesome actions, but did not tell us to hate those who practice unwholesome actions.”

Dogen (1200–1253) Japanese Zen buddhist teacher

“What decent person would want to spend a life picking and cavilling? Picture this scene. A critic arrives at the gates of heaven. 'And what did you do?' asks Saint Peter. 'Well', says the dead soul. 'I criticised things'. 'I beg your pardon?' 'You know, other people wrote things, performed things, painted things and I said stuff like, "thin and unconvincing", "turgid and uninspired", "competent and serviceable,"… you know'.”

Stephen Fry book Paperweight

On critics, from "Paperweight", 2006. <sup> http://wongablog.co.uk/2006/07/14/stephen-fry-on-critics/</sup> <br class="br">2000s

“I have never thought for a moment that if you cannot say it with numbers that it just is not worth saying. But all the same, I do firmly believe that where you cannot put numbers to work you will understand the matter better and more clearly for being able to explain why.”

Nicholas Rescher (1928) American philosopher

Epistemetrics (2006), Preface

“You say your life's a bum deal 'n yer up against the wall. Well, people, you ain't even got no deal at all. 'Cause what they do in Washington. They just takes care of Number One. An' Number One ain't you. You ain't even Number Two!”

Frank Zappa (1940–1993) American musician, songwriter, composer, and record and film producer

"The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing"
You Are What You Is (1981)

“Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?”

James Thurber (1894–1961) American cartoonist, author, journalist, playwright

Cartoon caption, The New Yorker (5 June 1937); "Word Dance--Part One", A Thurber Carnival (1960)
Cartoon captions
Source: Collecting Himself: James Thurber On Writing And Writers, Humor And Himself

“Well, you know I used to play piano for the church. You know that spiritual, 'Give Me that Old Time Religion', most churches just say, [sings] "Give me that old time religion" but I did, [sings] "Give me that old time, talkin' 'bout religion," you know I put that little thing in it you know, I always did have that thing but I didn't know what to do with the thing I had. So the style has always been with me… I always had my little thing I wanted to let the world hear, you know.”

Little Richard (1932) American pianist, singer and songwriter

When asked what inspired him to write 'Tutti Frutti' amd where the style came from, in The Rolling Stone Interviews: 1967-1980 (1989) edited by Peter Herbst, p. 91.

“I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say "Just press two for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough."”

Mitch Hedberg (1968–2005) American stand-up comedian

Strategic Grill Locations

“I've been on my own for a number of years now, but I've also found myself very alone. My family looks at me differently now, and that's the hardest thing to deal with, because you want to go home and be the person that you used to be. Obviously, I'm 28 years old and I can't go home and just be my mum's little baby.”

Mark Wahlberg (1971) American actor, television producer and rap musician

Chris Heath, The making of Mark, The Observer, Sunday 27 February 2000 http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2000/feb/27/1

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Michael McIntyre15

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