“I have no idea why it apparently takes three grown men to cook some hamburgers.
One to cook, one to kibbitz, and one to insult the other two.”

“… no one is born a great cook, one learns by doing.”

“Even three times a day to offer
Three hundred cooking pots of food
Does not match a portion of the merit
In one instant of love.”

“There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.”

“Bill, why is it that some apparently-grown men never learn to do simple arithmetic?”

“One would not die from my cooking, but I am not sure one would survive my driving.”

“I understood that if ever one wanted to live with someone you cooked for them and they came running. But then it is my idea of hell these days, living with someone. The idea of sharing your life with someone is just utterly ghastly. I know why people do it, but it's never a good idea.”

“Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.”

“There's only one secret to bachelor cooking — not caring how it tastes.”

“The cook was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go she went.”