“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.”

“Sometimes I think children are the worst people alive. And even if they're not—even if some smiling toddler is as pure as Evian—it's only a matter of time.”

“I'm usually the one who leaves a water bottle on set, because it gets thirsty under those bright lights.”

“Diaper spelled backwards is repaid, think about it.”

“Ever-newer waters flow on those who step into the same rivers.”

“There will always be people for and against you, and its pointless wasting time trying to win over some of the people who are against you. Spend time with people who are for you. Those realtionships are worth it.”

“There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.”

“Didn't the people who made those license plates care about little girls named Ramona?”

“Those who spend too much will eventually be owned by those who are thrifty.”

“I want people to understand that we, the American people, are not each other's enemies. The real enemies are those people who are trying to divide us into every little possible group.”