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Sydney Smith 68
English writer and clergyman 1771–1845Related quotes

Dates to 1899, American humor origin, originally featuring a woman upset by a man's cigar smoking. Cigar often removed in later versions, coffee added in 1900. Incorrectly attributed in Consuelo Vanderbilt Balsan, Glitter and Gold (1952).
See various early citations and references to refutations at “If you were my husband, I’d poison your coffee” (Nancy Astor to Churchill?) http://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/new_york_city/entry/if_you_were_my_husband_id_poison_your_coffee_nancy_astor_to_churchill, Barry Popik, The Big Apple,' February 09, 2009
Early examples include 19 November 1899, Gazette-Telegraph (CO), "Tales of the Town," p. 7, and early attributions are to American humorists Marshall P. Wilder and De Wolf Hopper.
Churchill by Himself: The Definitive Collection of Quotations, by Richard Langworth, PublicAffairs, 2008, p. 578.
The Yale Book of Quotations, edited by Fred R. Shapiro, New Haven, CT, Yale University Press, 2006, p. 155.
George Thayer, The Washington Post (April 27, 1971), p. B6.
Misattributed
Variant: Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put arsenic in your morning coffee.
Winston Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
“We drink our morning coffee with a drop of fear.”
How We Live Now (2005)
“You sure you don’t want me to stay? I’ll make you coffee and ask you about your day.”
Source: Magic Strikes

The Guardian - The best God joke ever - and it's mine! (September 1980)
“Only two kinds of people drink their coffee black: cops and serial killers.”
Source: Magic Binds

“I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don’t want to hear about your troubles.”