“But when they were done, I wondered if there would be a next time. I felt good. I wasn’t dead, yet something was dead. Perhaps I’d managed my peculiar objective of partial suicide. I was lighter, airier than I’d been in years.”
Source: Girl, Interrupted
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Susanna Kaysen 65
American writer 1948Related quotes
“I’d rather be dead than so suspicious I can’t trust anybody.”
Source: Glory Season (1993), Chapter 26 (p. 525)
“I wondered if it was his admission of what I’d done that he had not.”
Afterword to The Dud Avocado (2006)
Context: The reviews were excellent and the book quickly went into a second printing. Then one night Ken came home and threw a copy of the book out the window. "You weren’t a writer when I married you, you were an actress," he said angrily. Obviously his colleagues had been riding him because of the attention I was receiving. I was shattered. The next day, he said, "I’ve been rereading your book. There’s love on every page." And then he gave me a beautiful red leather-bound copy of it with the inscription: "From the Critic to the Author." Looking at it I felt a pang. I wondered if it was his admission of what I’d done that he had not.
To my wonder and, it appeared, his annoyance, the book wouldn’t go away.
Interview with Baylor Business Review: "Q & A with Mark Hurd" https://bbr.baylor.edu/mark-hurd-fa06/ (Fall 2006)
“I’d rather be a live pessimist than a dead comedian.”
Source: Short fiction, Future Tense (1964), Sail 25 (p. 93)
Girl, Interrupted (1994)
Context: It’s important to cultivate detachment. One way to do this is to practice imagining yourself dead, or in the process of dying. If there’s a window, you must imagine your body falling out the window. If there’s a knife, you must imagine the knife piercing your skin. If there’s a train coming, you must imagine your torso flattened under its wheels. These exercises are necessary to achieving the proper distance. The motive is paramount. Without a strong motive, you’re sunk. My motives were weak: an American-history paper I didn’t want to write and the question I’d asked months earlier, Why not kill myself? Dead, I wouldn’t have to write the paper. Nor would I have to keep debating the question.
Source: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
