“I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.”
Q Magazine, October 2008
Noel Fielding: 15 quotes0 likes
Famous Noel Fielding Quotes
People kind of say that I stalked Julian. It's a rumour. He stalked me. No, what happened was that I went to see him a couple of times because I liked him. And he phoned me up and said, 'D'you wanna work with me?’ Because he saw me and went, ‘Jesus Christ! He’s like a king! I’d better harness his talent somehow, I’m getting a bit old now...’ He just liked what I did and I liked what he did, so we made love, and then said ‘let’s write!’ We made love in a way that a man and a small boy make love. Sorry. It’s gone a bit sexual.
HermAphroditeZine, Autumn 1999
“[When asked if he used to go onstage dressed as Jesus with a watercolour beard]”
That is true. I used to dress up as Jesus. That’s what I first did onstage. I built a cross as well, a fuck-off big cross about as big as that wall, and I used to get on it at the start of a gig. And I’d have this really sad music and eerie lights, and then the music would just go ‘vvvstp’ and turn into Chas ‘N’ Dave, and I’d start dancing [...] And I used to have a water-pistol as well. So if anyone heckled, I’d just squirt ‘em until they were soaked. ‘Don’t Fuck With The Lord’. I used to tell normal jokes, and make no reference to the fact that I was Jesus. I’m over that stage of my life now. I couldn’t grow a beard though so I had to paint one on, and it used to melt under the lights. So by the end of the gig I used to look like a deranged Jesus with brown juice going down his neck. It was a bit frightening for the children.
HermAphroditeZine, Autumn 1999
“[When asked if he varies the animals in his comedy depending on where he performs]”
HermAphroditeZine, Autumn 1999
HermAphroditeZine, Autumn 1999
Noel Fielding Quotes about thinking
“[When asked if he could think of a cure for a dog who eats soil]”
I'll sleep with her. I’m a special kind of vet - people bring the animals in, and I sleep with them. Do you have any sick animals that need some time with a vet? [...] What I was saying was that I was going to start a vet practice. People would bring me their sick animals and I’d sleep with them. Turtles. Parakeets. I’d give parakeets blow-jobs. I’d go around the zoo, like James Herriot... saying ‘Giraffes? Really? Bring them to me.’
HermAphroditeZine, Autumn 1999
HermAphroditeZine, Autumn 1999
Noel Fielding Quotes
“[When asked if he sees the future with people wearing shirts with his face on it]”
I’d like that, yeah. Teenage girls with my face on their breasts. Is that what you want me to say? [...] I’d like it. Everyone would like it. I think everyone should be made to wear body-suits which are collages of my face.
HermAphroditeZine, Autumn 1999
“You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once.”
HermAphroditeZine, Autumn 1999
