“I don't think anybody should write his autobiography until after he's dead.”

“Should he ever write an autobiography, he'd call it The Life and Death of a Male Body.”

“Every artist writes his own autobiography.”

“I don't know what I think until I write it down.”

“As I suggested to John Major (a British Prime Minister) when he told us that socialism was dead, he should not be too triumphant. After all, until his predecessor Mrs Thatcher revived it, we thought feudalism pretty much over and done with, too.”

“When I start writing a poem, I don't think about models or about what anybody else in the world has done.”

“I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say.”

“To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.”

“I want to do something splendid…
Something heroic or wonderful that won’t be forgotten after I’m dead…
I think I shall write books.”

“I write fiction and I’m told it’s autobiography, I write autobiography and I’m told it’s fiction, so since I’m so dim and they’re so smart, let them decide what it is or it isn’t.”