“You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact. And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth.”

“I deal only in facts, that's why I'm a cocky fuckin' bastard.”

“Is God a cruel bastard or what, to make love so painful?”

“Are we prepared to make an enemy out of the Kingdom? The question is, are you bastards prepared to make an enemy out of Fairy Tail?”

“It's not your job to die for your Pack! It's your job to make the other bastards die for theirs.”

“Because of his compassion Owen was always in trouble with his partners. They would have much preferred a tough, down-to-earth manager who would get a days work out of the little bastards.”

“I'm tired of the moral high ground. We've already got more than our share of Gandhis in "the movement". We need a General Patton. No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor bastard die for HIS country.”

“Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie.”

“I'm a bastard. I have absolutely no clue why people can ever think otherwise. Yet they do. People think I'm a nice guy, and the fact is that I'm a scheming, conniving bastard who doesn't care for any hurt feelings or lost hours of work, if it just results in what I consider to be a better system. And I'm not just saying that. I'm really not a very nice person. I can say "I don't care" with a straight face, and really mean it.”

“Howard Kurtz: CNN has is broadcasting your show internationally.
Jon Stewart: I am not.
Kurtz: Does that make you legitimate?
Stewart: No, I am illegitimate. I am the bastard son of anything. We're not— we're fake.”