“I was raised on the good book Jesus
Till I read between the lines
Now I don't believe I ever wanna see the morning”

“I'm standing in line. I got a first class ticket. And I get up to the front of the line and there isn't anybody there. It's just a kiosk with a computer terminal. And I'm not good at computers. And I don't wanna touch this thing, 'cause it's got grease and dirt and what I only pray to Jesus is meringue.”

“Well now you say you've found another man who does things to you that I can't,
And that no matter what I do it's all over now between me and you girl.
But I can't believe what you say;
No I can't believe what you say 'cause babyI don't wanna fade away.
Oh I don't wanna fade away.
Tell me what can I do, what can I say
'Cause darlin' I don't wanna fade away.”

“1 out of 4 Americans believes Jesus will return in their lifetime. See, that's religion: ego masquerading as humility. "Jesus is coming back! Of course he's gonna wanna meet me!… Hi, Jesus, Bob Flemstein, big fan! I know you're crazy busy with the rapture and everything, but… could you sign? I don't wanna be that guy, but…"”

“When I read it, I don't wince, which is all I ever ask for a book I write.”

“The one thing I don't wanna be is, I don't wanna be forgotten. And I think I've done a pretty good job of that.”

“I don't know about other people, but when I wake up in the morning and put my shoes on, I think, Jesus Christ, now what?”

“Sail on down the line,
About half a mile or so.
And I don't really wanna know ah
Where you're going.
Maybe once or twice you see
Time after time I tried
Hold on to what we got.
But now you're going
And I don't mind.”

“I read my books at night, like that, under the quilt with the overheated reading lamp. Reading all those good lines while suffocating. It was magic.”

“I shall keep my book on the table here, and read a little every morning as soon as I wake, for I know it will do me good, and help me through the day.”