“I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: "You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage." Number two: "We have medication for this." And number three: "It was more than an ounce and he was less than 100 yards from the school."”

— Bill Engvall

Cheap Drunk: An Autobiography (2002)

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Bill Engvall 71

American comedian and actor 1957

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