“Meanwhile back at mama's.
The porch light's on, come in if you wanna.
Supper's on the stove and beer's in the fridge.
Red sun sinkin' out low on the ridge.
Games on the tube and daddy smokes cigarettes.
Whiskey keeps his whistle wet.
Funny the things you thought you'd never miss.
In a world gone crazy as this.”

“It ain't like midnight and cigarette smoke.
It ain't like watered down whiskey and coke.
I guess some things just don't mix like you hope.
Like me and you.
And diamond rings and old barstools.”

“If you were half as funny as you thought you were, my boy, you'd be twice as funny as you are.”

“Letterman: "I want to thank you folks for coming out for this run-through show. Thank you very much. This, of course, will never see the light of day. You won't miss a thing tonight."”

“He stepped back and threw his arms out.
"I'm always crazy around you Rose. Here, I'm going to write an impromptu poem for you."
He tipped his head back and shouted to the sky:
"Rose is in red
But never in blue
Sharp as a thorn
Fights like one too.”

“Later in the evening when the sun is sinking low
All day I been waiting for the whistle to blow
Sitting in a teepee built right on the tracks
Rolling them bones until the foreman comes back
Pick up you belongings boys and scatter about
We've got an off-schedule train comin' two miles out”

“You remind me of a smoked cigarette.”

“If you come out of the sun the german will never see you coming.”

“Ya got cigarettes?” she asks. “Yes,” I say,
“I got cigarettes.” “Matches?” she asks.
“Enough to burn Rome.” “Whiskey?”
“Enough whiskey for a Mississippi River
of pain.” “You drunk?” “Not yet.”

“1 out of 4 Americans believes Jesus will return in their lifetime. See, that's religion: ego masquerading as humility. "Jesus is coming back! Of course he's gonna wanna meet me!… Hi, Jesus, Bob Flemstein, big fan! I know you're crazy busy with the rapture and everything, but… could you sign? I don't wanna be that guy, but…"”