“[German head coach Uwe Krupp] is asking his guys to basically be fire hydrants and they're getting peed on right now.”

“I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.”

“Polly: Question is whether you hate the coach party because they're like the dogs or hate the dogs because they're like the coach party.”

“He's a coach's dream. He's been really wonderful for the other guys I coach. Why? His work ethic, he has a great passion for playing the game; he's made my job easier.”

“That learning process has been likened to the challenge of having someone open a fire hydrant and expect you to swallow it all.”

“You mean guys don't get injured in spring training? Guys get hurt walking down the street. All the managers, pitching coaches [are] very sensitive. Look, you can always pick at something, but there's a broader picture, a grander picture.”

“If there was a god, he wouldn't let a guy walk right up and shoot you in the face now would he? That's right, now you get the picture. Truth burns doesn't it?”

“i held it up, and tried to channel happy dog thoughts toward Cerberus- Alpo commercials, cute little puppies, fire hydrants.”

“Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by like, five guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…”

“Go call a coach, and let a coach be called;
And let the man who calleth be the caller;
And in his calling let him nothing call
But “Coach! Coach! Coach! Oh for a coach, ye gods!””