“This is worse than Hollywood, he thought. A girl comes in with a pork chop and I write a song for her.”

“A rabbi's dog could score pork chops in the streets of Tel Aviv easier than Bernard could acquire tequila in King County Jail.”

“I heard you asking questions of each: Who killed the pork chops? What price bananas? Are you my Angel?”

“They write songs about California girls for a reason.”

“Not-writing is a good deal worse than writing.”

“Stick Boy liked Match Girl,
he liked her a lot.
He liked her cute figure,
he thought she was hot.”

“Worse even
than your maddening
song, your silence." -”

“It doesn't seem to matter what we think… The prince will come up here and look at us as if we're barrels in a trader's wagon. And if I'm salt pork and he doesn't care for salt pork, then there's nothing I can do.”

“A good song is a good song, and if I'm lucky enough to write it, well….! I get more kick out of writing than I do singing. I reckon I've written a thousand songs and had over 300 published.”

“Some marriages are made in heaven,
Mine was made in Hong Kong, by the same people who make those little rubber pork chops they sell in the pet department at Kmart.”