“Watch it." he said at last. "I can make your life miserable." I gave him an icy smile. "You already have, and that's why i've got the advantage. You've done your worst but you haven't seen what i can do yet.”

“I don't forgive him," I said.
"Hell, no, you don't. And why should you? So he can feel better? Get on with his life? And what's he done to help you get on with yours?”

“How do I know I can trust you?'

'You can't,' he said bluntly. 'You've got to take it on faith that the enemy of your enemy is your friend.”

“They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen the stats on that yet.”

“She said, "Do you know this Hitler? Have you ever met him?"
I said, "Do I – of course I don't!"
She said, "Well how are you going to know which is him if they do land?"
I said, "Well, I've got a tongue in my head, haven't I?"”

“Don't let anyone else tell you when your time is up or what's best for you, you make that. And if you live by what other people want you to do with your life, you will be miserable, I can guarantee you that.”

“Can you trust me, he said. Not will you. Can you.
Can I trust him?
What do I have to lose?”

“You wouldn't say ' You've got the crappest eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes make me physically sick.”

“Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them.
Mom: I haven't seen them.
Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!”

“You've never in your life seen a picture, I bet any one of you, never seen a picture of one of these old Pilgrims praying when they didn't have a gun right by the side of them. That was to see that he got what he was praying for.”