Ambrose Bierce citations

Page 6

“Bien-être : état d'esprit produit par la contemplation des ennuis d'autrui.”

“Patience : forme mineure de désespoir, déguisée en vertu.”

“Religion : fille de l'espérance et de la peur; elle explique à l'ignorance la nature de l'inconnaissable.”

“Abstinent : personne faible qui cède à la tentation de se refuser un plaisir.”

“Tableaux : représentations en deux dimensions des choses inintéressantes en trois.”

“Présidence : le cochon le plus gras du champ de la politique.”

“Frontière : en géographie politique, ligne imaginaire entre deux nations, séparant les droits imaginaires de l'une des droits imaginaires de l'autre.”

“Évangéliste : porteur de bonnes nouvelles, particulièrement (dans un sens religieux) de celles qui assurent notre propre salut et la damnation de nos voisins.”

“Immigrant : individu mal informé qui pense qu'un pays est meilleur qu'un autre.”

“Politesse : forme la plus acceptable de l'hypocrisie.”

“Raison : propension au préjugé.”

“Irréfléchi : insensible à la valeur de votre conseil.”

“Connaissance : c'est quelqu'un qu'on connaît assez pour lui emprunter de l'argent, mais pas assez pour lui en prêter”

“Strive not for singularity in dress; Fools have the more and men of sense the less. To look original is not worth while, But be in mind a little out of style.”

“Liberty, n. One of imagination's most precious possessions.”

“Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.”

“The game of discontent has its rules, and he who disregards them cheats. It is not permitted to you to wish to add another's advantages or possessions to your own; you are permitted only to wish to be another.”

“The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.”

“A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.”

“Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.”

“Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.”

“Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.”

“Freemasons, n. An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucius, Thothmes, and Buddha. Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids — always by a Freemason.”

“Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.”

“When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.”

“Revelation, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.”

“In'ards, n. pl. The stomach, heart, soul, and other bowels.”

“Monday, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.”

“Gallows, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven. ”

“Witch, n. (1) An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.”

“When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.”

“We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.”

“Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack.”

“Bacchus, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.”

“Success, n. The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.”

“Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.”

“O proud philanthropist, your hope is vain
To get by giving what you lost by gain.”

“Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.”

“Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.”

“The virtues chose Modesty to be their queen.
"I did not know that I was a virtue," she said. "Why did you not choose Innocence?"
"Because of her ignorance," they replied. "She knows nothing but that she is a virtue."”

“Clock, n.: A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.”

“Callous, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.”