Terry Pratchett Quotes

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“I can see we're going to get along like a house on fire," said Miss Tick. "There may be no survivors.”

“It was sad, like those businessmen who came to work in serious clothes but wore colorful ties in a mad, desperate attempt to show there was a free spirit in there somewhere.”

“Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.”

“… and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.”

“Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.”

“Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still alive.”

“The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?”

“No more words. We know them all, all the words that should not be said. But you have made my world more perfect.”

“Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.”

“My name is immaterial,' she said.
That's a pretty name,' said Rincewind.”

“Perhaps it would be simpler if you just did what you're told and didn't try to understand things.”

“Sometimes the truth is arrived at by adding all the little lies together and deducting them from the totality of what is known.”

“Nanny's philosophy of life was to do what seemed like a good idea at the time, and do it as hard as possible. It had never let her down.”

“Mister Teatime had a truly brilliant mind, but it was brilliant like a fractured mirror, all marvellous facets and rainbows but, ultimately, also something that was broken.”

“Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.”

“The first draft is just you telling yourself the story.”

“I hate cats."
Death's face became a little stiffer, if that were possible. The blue glow in his eye sockets flickered red for an instant.
"I SEE," he said. The tone suggested that death was too good for cat haters.”

“Nanny Ogg knew how to start spelling 'banana', but didn't know how you stopped.”

“Look, he said to his imagination, if this is how you're going to behave, I shan't bring you again.”

“His progress through life was hampered by his tremendous sense of his own ignorance, a disability which affects all too few.”

“What did I tell you about Mister Safety Catch?' said Vimes weakly.
When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend,' recited Detritus, saluting.”

“On the Disc, the Gods aren't so much worshipped, as they are blamed.”

“The truth isn't easily pinned to a page. In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than the soap and much more difficult to find.”

“I have no use for people who have learned the limits of the possible.”

“So much universe, and so little time.”

“Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.”

“Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle.”

“There is always time for another last minute”

“Don't look back!"
"Why not?"
"Because I just did! Run faster!”

“It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it," said War testily, "the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocalypse.”

“Even a really bad creator would at least have started with Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Surprise.”

“What can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the Reaper Man?”

“It is at this point that normal language gives up, and goes and has a drink.”

“But we're a university! Weto have a library!" said Ridcully. "It adds. What sort of people would we be if we didn't go into the library?"

"Students," said Senior Wrangler morosely.”

“This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.”

“Why bother with a cunning plan when a simple one will do?”

“There's always a story. It's all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything's got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.”

“Whut's the plan, Rob?" said one of them.
"Okay, lads, this is what we'll do. As soon as we see somethin', we'll attack it. Right?"
This caused a cheer.
"Ach, 'tis a good plan," said Daft Wullie.”

“It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.”

“Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em.”

“The reason that clichés become clichés is that they are the hammers and screwdrivers in the toolbox of communication.”

“The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).”

“This time it had been magic. And it didn't stop being magic just because you found out how it was done.”

“He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe.
Which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.”

“It is said that the Devil has all the best tunes.
This is broadly true. But Heaven has the best choreographers”

“If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander.”

“Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men.”

“He's out of his depth on a wet pavement.”

“You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
'What if she cuts herself?'
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.”