1. Quotes
  2. Authors
  3. Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Quotes
page 11

Sir Terence David John Pratchett was an English humorist, satirist, and author of fantasy novels, especially comical works. He is best known for his Discworld series of 41 novels.

Pratchett's first novel, The Carpet People, was published in 1971. The first Discworld novel, The Colour of Magic, was published in 1983, after which Pratchett wrote an average of two books a year. His 2011 Discworld novel Snuff became the third-fastest-selling hardback adult-readership novel since records began in the UK, selling 55,000 copies in the first three days. The final Discworld novel, The Shepherd's Crown, was published in August 2015, five months after his death.

Pratchett, with more than 85 million books sold worldwide in 37 languages, was the UK's best-selling author of the 1990s. He was appointed Officer of the Order of the British Empire in 1998 and was knighted for services to literature in the 2009 New Year Honours. In 2001 he won the annual Carnegie Medal for The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents, the first Discworld book marketed for children. He received the World Fantasy Award for Life Achievement in 2010.In December 2007, Pratchett announced that he had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease. He later made a substantial public donation to the Alzheimer's Research Trust , filmed a television programme chronicling his experiences with the condition for the BBC, and became a patron for Alzheimer's Research UK. Pratchett died on 12 March 2015, aged 66. Wikipedia  

✵ 28. April 1948 – 12. March 2015  •  Other names Sir Terry Pratchett
Terry Pratchett photo
Terry Pratchett: 796 quotes906 likes

Terry Pratchett Quotes

“Ach, people are always telling us not to do things" said Rob Anybody, "that's how we ken the most interesting things to do.”

Terry Pratchett book Wintersmith

Source: Wintersmith

“That's not fair, you know. If we knew when we were going to die, people would lead better lives."

IF PEOPLE KNEW WHEN THEY WERE GOING TO DIE, I THINK THEY PROBABLY WOULDN'T LIVE AT ALL.”

Terry Pratchett book Reaper Man

Source: Reaper Man

“The four lesser apocalyptical horsemen of Panic, Bewilderment, Ignorance, and Shouting took control of the room”

Terry Pratchett book Monstrous Regiment

Source: Monstrous Regiment

“He'sh mad?"
"Sort of mad. But mad with lots of money."
"Ah, then he can’t be mad. I've been around; if a man hash lotsh of money he'sh just ecshentric.”

Terry Pratchett book The Light Fantastic

Source: The Light Fantastic

“Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven.”

Terry Pratchett

Source: The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents

“In defiance of Miss Maccalariat I'd like to commit hanky-panky with you, Miss Adora Belle Dearheart… well, certainly hanky, and possibly panky when we get to know one another better.”

Terry Pratchett book Going Postal

Source: Going Postal

“First Sight means you can see what really is there, and Second Thoughts mean thinking about what you are thinking. And in Tiffany's case, there were sometimes Third Thoughts and Fourth Thoughts although these… sometimes led her to walk into doors.”

Terry Pratchett book I Shall Wear Midnight

Source: I Shall Wear Midnight

“But in his experience it was only a matter of time before the normal balance of the universe restored itself and started doing the usual terrible things to him.”

Terry Pratchett

Source: The Color of Magic

“There would be a price… But if you were worried about the price, then why were you in the shop?”

Terry Pratchett book Equal Rites

Source: Equal Rites

“Last night there seemed to be a chance. Anything was possible last night. That was the trouble with last nights. They were always followed by this mornings.”

Terry Pratchett book Small Gods

Source: Small Gods

“Soon to come in licorice, orange, cinnamon, and banana, but not strawberry, because I hate strawberries.”

Terry Pratchett book Going Postal

Source: Going Postal

“Find the story, Granny Weatherwax always said. She believed that the world was full of story shapes. If you let them, they controlled you. But if you studied them, if you found out about them… you could use them, you could change them.”

Terry Pratchett book Witches Abroad

Source: Witches Abroad

“Someone got killed up here…. It was outside. A tall man. He had one leg longer’n the other. And a beard. He was probably a hunter."
"How’d you know all that?"
"I just trod on ‘im.”

Terry Pratchett book Lords and Ladies

Source: Lords and Ladies

“Shoes, men, coffins; never accept the first one you see.”

Terry Pratchett Thud!

Source: Thud!

“Magrat had used a lot of powder to make her face pale and interesting. It combined with the lavishly applied mascara to give the guard the impression that he was looking at two flies that had crashed into a sugar bowl.”

Terry Pratchett book Wyrd Sisters

Source: Wyrd Sisters

“And all the stories had, somewhere, the witch. The wicked old witch.
And Tiffany had thought: Where's the evidence?”

Terry Pratchett book The Wee Free Men

Source: The Wee Free Men

“But what's worth more than gold?"

"Practically everything. You, for example. Gold is heavy. Your weight in gold is not very much gold at all. Aren't you worth more than that?”

Terry Pratchett book Making Money

Source: Making Money

“Bill Door was impressed. Miss Flitworth could actually give the word "revenue", which had two vowels and one diphthong, all the peremptoriness of the word "scum.”

Terry Pratchett book Reaper Man

Source: Reaper Man

“Perhaps the magic would last, perhaps it wouldn't. But then again, what does?”

Terry Pratchett book Guards! Guards!

Source: Guards! Guards!

“Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.”

Terry Pratchett book Jingo

Source: Jingo

“[Rincewind] drew his sword and, with a smooth overarm throw, completely failed to hit the troll.”

Terry Pratchett

Source: The Color of Magic

“Anyway, why would you trust anything written down? She certainly didn't trust "Mothers of Borogravia!" and that was from the government. And if you couldn't trust the government, who could you trust?
Very nearly everyone, come to think of it…”

Terry Pratchett book Monstrous Regiment

Source: Monstrous Regiment

“Yeah, all right, but everyone knows they torture people," mumbled Sam.
"Do they?" said Vimes. "Then why doesn't anyone do anything about it?"
"'cos they torture people.”

Terry Pratchett book Night Watch

Source: Night Watch

“But then science is nothing but a series of questions that lead to more questions.”

Terry Pratchett The Long Earth

Source: The Long Earth

“You had to deal every day with people who were foolish and lazy and untruthful and downright unpleasant, and you could certainly end up thinking that the world would be considerably improved if you gave them a slap.”

Terry Pratchett book Wintersmith

Source: Wintersmith

“No other species anywhere in the world had invented boredom. Perhaps it was boredom, not intelligence, that had propelled them up to the evolutionary ladder.”

Terry Pratchett book Thief of Time

Source: Thief of Time

“Sometimes thinking is like talking to another person, but that person is also you.”

Terry Pratchett book Thief of Time

Source: Thief of Time

“There was no light at the end of the tunnel--or if there was, it was an oncoming train.”

Terry Pratchett

Variant: He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.
Source: Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

“Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.

When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big.”

Terry Pratchett book Reaper Man

Source: Reaper Man

“On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists.”

Terry Pratchett

Source: The Color of Magic

“Most horses don't walk backwards voluntarily, because what they can't see doesn't exist.”

Terry Pratchett book Soul Music

Source: Soul Music

“I? KILL? said Death, obviously offended. CERTAINLY NOT. PEOPLE GET KILLED, BUT THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS. I JUST TAKE OVER FROM THEN ON. AFTER ALL, IT'D BE A BLOODY STUPID WORLD IF PEOPLE GOT KILLED WITHOUT DYING, WOULDN'T IT?”

Terry Pratchett book Mort

Source: Mort

“I don't regret it, you know. I would do it all again. Children are our hope for the future."
THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THE FUTURE, said Death.
"What does it contain, then?"
ME.”

Terry Pratchett book Sourcery

Source: Sourcery

“Om began to feel the acute depression that steals over every realist in the presence of an optimist.”

Terry Pratchett book Small Gods

Source: Small Gods

“His sister had been sent down to the village to ask Mistress Garlick the witch how you stopped spelling recommendation.”

Terry Pratchett book Guards! Guards!

Source: Guards! Guards!

“Maybe the only significant difference between a really smart simulation and a human being was the noise they made when you punched them.”

Terry Pratchett The Long Earth

Source: The Long Earth

“One of the things forgotten about the human spirit is that while it is, in the right conditions, noble and brave and wonderful, it is also, when you get right down to it, only human.”

Terry Pratchett book Guards! Guards!

Source: Guards! Guards!

“Vimes's lack of interest in other people's children was limitless.”

Terry Pratchett book Snuff

Source: Snuff

“How do you get all those coins?" asked Mort.
IN PAIRS.”

Terry Pratchett book Mort

Source: Mort

“I don't want to hurt you, Mistress Weatherwax," said Mrs Gogol.
"That's good," said Granny. "I don't want you to hurt me either.”

Terry Pratchett book Witches Abroad

Source: Witches Abroad

“When people say "clearly" something that means there's a huge crack in their argument and they know things aren't clear at all.”

Terry Pratchett book The Truth

Source: The Truth

“Belief, he says. Belief shifts. People start out believing in the god and end up believing in the structure.”

Terry Pratchett book Small Gods

Source: Small Gods

“Esme Weatherwax hadn't done nice. She'd done what was.”

Terry Pratchett book The Shepherd's Crown

Source: The Shepherd's Crown

“But I don'tin reincarnation!" he protested.
SQUEAK.
And this, Mr Pounder understood with absolute rodent clarity, meant: reincarnation believes in.”

Terry Pratchett book Maskerade

Source: Maskerade

“Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because—what with trolls and dwarfs and so on—speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.”

Terry Pratchett book Witches Abroad

Source: Witches Abroad