Terry Pratchett Quotes

page 11

“IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT /MEANT/ TO BE SAFE.”

“Ach, people are always telling us not to do things" said Rob Anybody, "that's how we ken the most interesting things to do.”

“That's not fair, you know. If we knew when we were going to die, people would lead better lives."

IF PEOPLE KNEW WHEN THEY WERE GOING TO DIE, I THINK THEY PROBABLY WOULDN'T LIVE AT ALL.”

“The four lesser apocalyptical horsemen of Panic, Bewilderment, Ignorance, and Shouting took control of the room”

“He'sh mad?"
"Sort of mad. But mad with lots of money."
"Ah, then he can’t be mad. I've been around; if a man hash lotsh of money he'sh just ecshentric.”

“Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven.”

“Be careful what you wish for. You never know who will be listening.”

“Few things are hidden from a quiet child with good eyesight.”

“In defiance of Miss Maccalariat I'd like to commit hanky-panky with you, Miss Adora Belle Dearheart… well, certainly hanky, and possibly panky when we get to know one another better.”

“Oh, where are my manners? Do sit down. Pull up a small child.”

“First Sight means you can see what really is there, and Second Thoughts mean thinking about what you are thinking. And in Tiffany's case, there were sometimes Third Thoughts and Fourth Thoughts although these… sometimes led her to walk into doors.”

“But in his experience it was only a matter of time before the normal balance of the universe restored itself and started doing the usual terrible things to him.”

“There would be a price… But if you were worried about the price, then why were you in the shop?”

“Last night there seemed to be a chance. Anything was possible last night. That was the trouble with last nights. They were always followed by this mornings.”

“Soon to come in licorice, orange, cinnamon, and banana, but not strawberry, because I hate strawberries.”

“Find the story, Granny Weatherwax always said. She believed that the world was full of story shapes. If you let them, they controlled you. But if you studied them, if you found out about them… you could use them, you could change them.”

“Someone got killed up here…. It was outside. A tall man. He had one leg longer’n the other. And a beard. He was probably a hunter."
"How’d you know all that?"
"I just trod on ‘im.”

“Shoes, men, coffins; never accept the first one you see.”

“Magrat had used a lot of powder to make her face pale and interesting. It combined with the lavishly applied mascara to give the guard the impression that he was looking at two flies that had crashed into a sugar bowl.”

“And all the stories had, somewhere, the witch. The wicked old witch.
And Tiffany had thought: Where's the evidence?”

“But what's worth more than gold?"

"Practically everything. You, for example. Gold is heavy. Your weight in gold is not very much gold at all. Aren't you worth more than that?”

“Bill Door was impressed. Miss Flitworth could actually give the word "revenue", which had two vowels and one diphthong, all the peremptoriness of the word "scum.”

“Perhaps the magic would last, perhaps it wouldn't. But then again, what does?”

“Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.”

“[Rincewind] drew his sword and, with a smooth overarm throw, completely failed to hit the troll.”

“Anyway, why would you trust anything written down? She certainly didn't trust "Mothers of Borogravia!" and that was from the government. And if you couldn't trust the government, who could you trust?
Very nearly everyone, come to think of it…”

“Yeah, all right, but everyone knows they torture people," mumbled Sam.
"Do they?" said Vimes. "Then why doesn't anyone do anything about it?"
"'cos they torture people.”

“But then science is nothing but a series of questions that lead to more questions.”

“You had to deal every day with people who were foolish and lazy and untruthful and downright unpleasant, and you could certainly end up thinking that the world would be considerably improved if you gave them a slap.”

“No other species anywhere in the world had invented boredom. Perhaps it was boredom, not intelligence, that had propelled them up to the evolutionary ladder.”

“Sometimes thinking is like talking to another person, but that person is also you.”

“There was no light at the end of the tunnel--or if there was, it was an oncoming train.”

“Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.

When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big.”

“On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists.”

“Most horses don't walk backwards voluntarily, because what they can't see doesn't exist.”

“I? KILL? said Death, obviously offended. CERTAINLY NOT. PEOPLE GET KILLED, BUT THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS. I JUST TAKE OVER FROM THEN ON. AFTER ALL, IT'D BE A BLOODY STUPID WORLD IF PEOPLE GOT KILLED WITHOUT DYING, WOULDN'T IT?”

“I don't regret it, you know. I would do it all again. Children are our hope for the future."
THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THE FUTURE, said Death.
"What does it contain, then?"
ME.”

“Om began to feel the acute depression that steals over every realist in the presence of an optimist.”

“His sister had been sent down to the village to ask Mistress Garlick the witch how you stopped spelling recommendation.”

“Maybe the only significant difference between a really smart simulation and a human being was the noise they made when you punched them.”

“One of the things forgotten about the human spirit is that while it is, in the right conditions, noble and brave and wonderful, it is also, when you get right down to it, only human.”

“Her singing always cheered him up. Life seemed so much brighter when she stopped.”

“Vimes's lack of interest in other people's children was limitless.”

“How do you get all those coins?" asked Mort.
IN PAIRS.”

“I don't want to hurt you, Mistress Weatherwax," said Mrs Gogol.
"That's good," said Granny. "I don't want you to hurt me either.”

“When people say "clearly" something that means there's a huge crack in their argument and they know things aren't clear at all.”

“Belief, he says. Belief shifts. People start out believing in the god and end up believing in the structure.”

“Esme Weatherwax hadn't done nice. She'd done what was.”

“But I don'tin reincarnation!" he protested.
SQUEAK.
And this, Mr Pounder understood with absolute rodent clarity, meant: reincarnation believes in.”