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Steven Wright Quotes
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Steven Alexander Wright is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsense jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.

Wright was ranked as the twenty-third greatest comedian by Comedy Central in a list of the 100 greatest stand-up comics. He was awarded the Academy Award for Best Live Action Short Film for his 1988 short film The Appointments of Dennis Jennings.

✵ 6. December 1955
Steven Wright photo
Steven Wright: 178   quotes 14   likes

Steven Wright Quotes

“I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me, and I didn't hear a thing.”

Steven Wright

I Have A Pony (1985)

Tree

“[unenthusiastically at the beginning of every show in response to audience applause] "Thanks."”

Steven Wright

Catchphrase

“I need one of those baby-monitors for my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.”

Steven Wright

When the Leaves Blow Away (2006), I Still Have a Pony (2007)

Hell , Thinking , Baby

“It's a good thing a lot of people speak foreign languages, otherwise those people would have no one to talk to.”

Steven Wright

When the Leaves Blow Away (2006), I Still Have a Pony (2007)

People

“In school they told me "Practice makes perfect."”

Steven Wright

And then they told me "Nobody's perfect," so then I stopped practicing.
When the Leaves Blow Away (2006), I Still Have a Pony (2007)

Perfection , School , Making love

“About five years ago, somebody showed me some web sites that had my material all over them, and I thought that was fascinating. One reason was, I'd never seen my jokes written one right after another like that. I write on drawing paper—I don't even like lines on the paper—so I have notebooks all over the place with handwritten pieces of my act in them. So to see it go by, all typed out neatly, was like, "Wow."”

Steven Wright

And then two or three years ago, someone showed me a site, and half of it that said I wrote it, I didn't write. Recently, I saw one, and I didn't write any of it. What's disturbing is that with a few of these jokes, I wish I had thought of them. A giant amount of them, I'm embarrassed that people think I thought of them, because some are really bad.
[The Tenacity of the Cockroach: Conversations with Entertainment's Most Enduring Outsiders, Thompson, Steven, 2002, Three Rivers Press, 0609809911, September 9, 2012, http://www.avclub.com/articles/steven-wright,13796/]
Interviews

Drawing

“I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint… it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.”

Steven Wright

I Have A Pony (1985)

Painting , Housing