Steve Martin: Trending quotes

“A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true.”

“I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.”

“Now let's repeat the non-conformists' oath: I promise to be different! (audience repeats) I promise to be unique! (audience repeats) I promise not to repeat things other people say! (audience repeats, laughs) Good!”

“Why is it we don't always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?”

“Somewhere in the world is… The world's worst doctor and he could be yours.”

“A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.”

“I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.”

“I have found that-- just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.”

“She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.”

“Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.”

“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.”

“I gave my cat a bath the other day… they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that…”

“How is it possible to miss a woman whom you kept at a distance, so that when she was gone you would not miss her?”

“I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.”

“… it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.”

“You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”

“Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”

“Comedy is not pretty.”